Biopsy Results

Today I received a message from the Obgyn that checked me out on Monday and thank God everything is okay. She mentioned in her message not to worry, that I did not ovulate and that the bleeding was an estrogen withdrawal. Although it still hasn't completely stopped, at least they're aware of the situation and are monitoring the progress. Tomorrow I go in for my 6th chemo treatment and again I will mention what day I'm on (should it continue). This kinda sucks considering by the time it stops, it'll be time to start up again :(

Okay, enough of that talk.

I overheard somebody talking about their grandchildren today and it got me thinking about how I've GOT to beat this, I want to be around and be a grandmother someday! My kids haven't even started dating yet, and I just want them to find their perfect match out there and be happy. With "first love" comes heartache and although I never want my children to experience a broken heart, I know it's inevitable and I want to be the one they come to when they're having dating issues and questions about life in general. That's my job and I'm not about to go down without a fight. It hadn't dawned on me until now that my children not only need their mother right now, they need their mother for a LONG time. I know I sure need mine right about now.

Today I want to FIGHT this cancer. It is not welcomed and the sooner it's gone, the better!!

Peace to you all!! Genie

Girl Talk...

What I haven't shared until now because of the fact that it's "girl talk", I'm going to go ahead and discuss now. So if you can't handle it...I'll give you a moment to walk away :) jk, it's not that bad. Remember that I'm on two meds for my chemo treatments (Taxol & Avastin) and Avastin has a side effect of having trouble with bleeding & clotting. Well, my menstrual cycle started up on 12/15 and has continued for 14 days. That's extremely unusual for me and so I called and made an appointment over this past weekend. Since it's the "weekend" staff and nobody was available to see me, they scheduled me for this morning. In the meantime, John, the kids, and I went to San Jose to celebrate our Christmas with family and knew that we'd have to head home early due to this appointment. Naturally, my cycle was about finished this morning, however, they still wanted to see me.

The doctor walked in and immediately said, "I'm sorry I'm going to have to cause you pain today." and I just looked at her and said, "what?! why?" and she proceeded to tell me that she had to do a biopsy because she was concerned about the lining of my uterus. WHATEVER!! Why me? My first thought was....damn, I shouldn't have called and made that appointment :( especially since it finally stopped on it's own. Damn! I asked if John could come in and be with me and she didn't have a problem with that. It was a short procedure, but hurt like hell :( Why can't they have some sort of anesthesia for a procedure like that?!

Well, it's done and I'm okay for now. We'll know the results soon (maybe in a couple days). I don't know a lot of answers right now, other than the fact that they're watching me for bleeding. I sure hope all goes well because I think this medication is working for me, other than that.

In closing, I want to say that we had a WONDERFUL time in San Jose with family (as usual), but it's always way too short. I want to thank Marcy & Terri (TT) for the lovely dinner, along with Bob, Erin & Ryan for the Nunes Inn, Pauline (Nana), Charley, Robby, Allan & Hayden for all the love a family could possibly give. And thank you for letting Johnny hang out for another couple days, he looks forward to visiting SO much.

Peace to you all! Genie

Feeling Blessed These Days...

If you would have asked me a week ago what kind of Christmas my children were going to have this year, I would have said it was looking pretty bleak. On Tuesday morning there were literally a couple presents underneath the tree with not many more still to wrap. By Thursday morning, my branch at work had pulled money together to help my family during this difficult time and presented me with an envelope. I'm not usually at a loss for words, but this really took me off guard. It's odd being on the receiving end, I'm so used to being the provider, the giver, the person looking out for others during difficult times. I feel so blessed to work among such generous people who took the time to think of me and my family, even though they too are going through difficult times. The furlough has been hard on everyone, the economy sucks, and it's Christmas time! So for everyone to pull together and give to our family, meant the world to us.

We ended up having a very nice Christmas day after all :) The kids woke us up around 6:15 and sure enough, Santa had come! The stockings were full (thanks to our loving San Jose family) and there were plenty of gifts underneath the tree.

The moral to this story is that...God is good!!

Peace to you all!! Love, Genie

Treatment #5 down, many to go...

Back from treatment, seemed to be a breeze today! Maybe it was because I had my sister-in-law Monica with me, and time flies when you're having fun :) I don't know, but it seemed easier. This is the second time they've administered the chemo through my port and I'm really glad it was installed. It's WAY easier to move around and they can get started right away without having to "prep" my veins.

Monica is another positive influence in my life and I really love to be around her. It's neat how much positive energy somebody can give off. And the amazing thing about it, is that it's infectious. I can be around Monica for a couple hours and just feed off of her positive vibes, I love that about her!!

It's a good day to be alive ♥ Love & peace, Genie

No energy....

Haven't blogged in a few days, just haven't had the energy to do so. Believe it or not, I slept most of the weekend. Literally. I would wake up, go back to sleep a few hours later, wake up again and walk around in a fog. Then, go back to sleep and finally wake up in time for dinner. Then I would barely make it through dinner and it was time to go back to bed. I sure hope this isn't a regular pattern of the way it's going to be, if so, this sucks :( I'm going to have to bring this up with my oncologist, hopefully there's some type of vitamin or something out there to keep me awake during the day.

Besides that, Luanne & Dave came to visit today in the afternoon. I totally enjoyed the visit, it was fun. Although we didn't do much, it was fun to sit around and chat. Luanne brought me her mom, Lucy's, nativity scene. What an honor, I feel blessed. Just recently Genea from work bought me a tiny nativity scene, which I brought home, but this one is nice and big. Apparently Lucy made it with her own hands :) I love that I have something from my second mother. Lucy meant the world to me and Luanne knows that she would want me to have it. It's really beautiful, down to the shingles on the roof. Thank you Luanne & Dave for making the trip and bringing that to me, it made my day!

Today I feel PEACE. With the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season among us, and endless amount of things we feel need to be crammed into one single day...please take the time for some inner PEACE. Slow down and spend some time loving your family, this is what truly matters. Even if there are no presents beneath the tree, you still have each other. It's really not the material things that matter in life, it's the love. Find PEACE and love one another.

Love to you all ♥ Genie

The Serenity Prayer ~ says it all

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

I say The Serenity Prayer at least once a day and it usually has a different meaning each time. I'm sharing this with you right now because lately it has had a common theme and it goes something like this...

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; (I cannot change the fact that I have a serious illness). the courage to change the things I can; (I can however, change my attitude and perhaps even the outcome as a result of it). and the wisdom to know the difference. (The wisdom will come in time. So far, we're headed in the right direction and it's working for me :))

Peace to you all, Genie

P.S. I miss not putting my cute little (heart) in my closing, but I can't figure out how to do it on Johnny's laptop and lately I've been posting from the couch.

Support Group + Other Stuff...

Last night I was invited by two new friends, Tina & Sonia, to join their support group. I didn't really know what to expect, but I was open to anything. We met @ Tina's house and walked over together (which really broke the ice and made me feel much more comfortable). I met Tina & Sonia in October at a special Breast Cancer Awareness breakfast and since so much had gone on since then, it gave us a moment to regroup (just the three of us). Both Tina & Sonia have had similar journeys and so they were basically going last night to support me in particular. Tina just had reconstructive surgery and Sonia has been cancer free for many years. This group welcomed me with open arms. I met a variety of women who all had different stories, yet very similar at the same time. They all received the dreaded phone call and all had to deal with breast cancer in one way or another. It's my turn now. We all went around the room and shared our "story". This was the first time that I'd openly cried while telling mine. I think it was because it has become just a "story" as I tell it to people who are healthy and their reaction is sympathy. However, last night as I was telling this, I could see it in the other survivor's eyes that they understood what I was saying and truly felt it. They truly felt empathy for me and showed me that they cared. I was able to ask questions and gained lots of knowledge about stuff I had no idea that I should be asking. I was so overwhelmed that I had forgotten to take notes and I even brought my notepad!! At one point in the evening Tina cracked me up and told me to "come back Genie", because the chemo made me TOTALLY lose my train of thought...lol. It's gotten bad and I'm trying really hard to write things down and remember everything. Don't they say your memory goes first?! Dang!!

Anyway, I had a wonderful time and I want to thank Tina & Sonia for the invite. I'm looking forward to next month's meeting. Naturally I volunteered John's restaurant for the meeting place :) I know my husband supports me 100%, so he had no problem with the idea. Besides, there's always tons of room at the Old Spaghetti Factory. There John, I plugged your restaurant :)

I also want to quickly state that I went to my Christmas Luncheon today with work. Remember how nervous I was about walking in there with a wig? It was no big deal. Sure, I didn't want to parade around, but I went. I know that the more I go out in public in my wig, the better I'll feel. I think that if I feel natural, it'll look more natural, and people won't suspect anything. Besides, it looks pretty real, so that's a huge plus.

And lastly, I went to treatment #4 today and used my new port. I'm sure glad I had it put in last week and not just a couple days before treatment like the nurse originally requested. That would have hurt. As it was, Robert (my nurse for today) used some freezing spray before inserting the needle to numb it up a little. Good idea, cuz it still slightly stung. He did mention, however, that my blood pressure has been progressively increasing (probably due to the Avastin) since I'd never experienced high blood pressure in my life. He said that they're going to monitor this and may have to put me on medication. YAY, more meds, but that's okay. As long as it's treated.

Oops, I almost forgot to share some HUGE, HUGE news. I had my follow up oncology appointment yesterday. Dr. Hui walked in and asked if I was in any pain, I said no, not that much at all. She said, "no, I mean serious pain" and I said no. She was SO RELIEVED. She said that she had worried about me because one of the side affects of the Avastin is bleeding & clotting and that if I was experiencing pain, that could mean that I was bleeding. She also was concerned about the port being inserted for the same reasons. I said no again, didn't have an issue. She was so happy, I could see it all over her face. Then I explained how I could actually feel my tumor shrinking and so she examined me and thought maybe it had indeed gone down a little. Her main concern seemed to be my lymph nodes under my arm. She looked at me and asked, "did I find it here?" and both Monica and I looked at each other and said, "yes, you did" and she said, "well I can't find it now". I was SO EXCITED, I could hardly sit still. She ended the short visit by telling me that I was too nice of a person to go anytime soon and to continue to pray, because it was working for me. That I'll see her again in 4 weeks. YAYYYYY!!

Tonight, I'm GRATEFUL for all the people who are praying for me, for the meds that are working, for my wonderful family who loves me unconditionally, and for all of my friends who are constantly checking on me. Thank you everyone!!

Peace to you all. Genie

Johnny's Football Awards...

Tonight wasn't about me, it was about my son's varsity football award ceremony. Mira Loma High School has never been known for their athletic program, but rather for their academics. So for this year's Varsity Football Team to make it to the playoffs was HUGE! I've heard different numbers, but they haven't been to the playoffs in something like 16 - 19 years!! It was amazing this year and of all season's, I'm so proud to be a part of this year's group of parents cheering from the stands. What a fantastic bunch of kids we have :) Although we didn't last long once we got to the playoffs, it didn't really matter. We got there. So tonight I want to give kuddo's to everyone involved in making this year's team what they were. Thank you to my husband John, for working so hard & making tonight's ceremony so wonderful.

So tonight's message is that even the underdog can succeed!! You see, all we need to do is PERSEVERE!! Even when we're destine to fail (like a high school team only known for their academics), we must always keep trying and never give up, for in the end we're ALL WINNERS!!

Peace to you all, Genie

Going to work w/a new do...

So I walked into work today and immediately started to cry when I ran into some co-workers. I think it was the anticipation of it all. I think I made myself more nervous than I needed to be, for I had already mentally prepared myself (and most of them) for this dreaded day. I've been very open and honest with my feelings so far, and so my co-workers knew exactly what I was going through. No secrets here. As a matter of fact, there are a lot of people from work reading this right now. So walking in today was more of an issue for me than it was for them, naturally. As a matter of fact, I kept getting compliments (from those who weren't following the blog) and who thought I'd just "lightened my hair" because the style is very similar to my own. At first I thought, maybe they're just being kind, or maybe they haven't quite woken up yet. But no, it happened all throughout the day! I would be somewhere else (like on another floor) and somebody would say, "Hey Genie, nice hair!" and that felt good. However, it sure was nice to pull the wig off once I got home, to put John's beanie on. Awh, the comfort of an old hat. It just felt right again.

Other than that, we went out to dinner tonight and Jordan told me afterwards that she actually "forgot" that I was wearing a wig all through dinner :) very nice

So my thought today is that sometimes it takes COURAGE to face something as difficult as losing your hair. I had to dig deep enough to pull myself together and walk into work today, whether I wanted to or not. Sure, had I not felt good, it would have been a great excuse to stay home, but I felt fine and I needed to get through this. Even when we don't think we have what it takes, all we need to do is search a little harder until we find it. Today I found the COURAGE I needed and you can too!

Peace to you all ♥ Genie

Welcome to my Pity Party...

I'm not sure how I'm feeling today. The kids and I ventured out to WalMart and although I feel normal, I tend to think everyone is staring at me. Johnny says it's my imagination, not to worry about it. Then I'll catch my reflection in the mirror and get a little sad, thinking, this is not me. Who is that person with a wig on? I feel like it's obviously fake hair, and who am I fooling. I'm totally petrified of going out in the wind, for fear of my wig blowing off! And can you imagine if a bird came along and thought it was a nest and landed on my head?! OMG!! I was talking w/Jeff earlier and he started laughing, saying, "What the heck? Did you worry about birds landing in your hair before? Why worry now!" I guess that's not what I really fear, but like usual, I say silly things sometimes just to lighten the mood.

As for how I'm feeling deep down...I wish I could just stay indoors forever. I'm worried about going to work tomorrow. I'm trying to deal with it, but it's really hard. My family (other than John and the kids) have yet to see me. Although I know they'll embrace me and love me no matter what I look like, it still saddens me that my looks have changed. It's real now.

Sorry, nothing inspirational to write this time. I'm having a "moment" and this too shall pass. I'm still thinking positive, I still believe, but the rest of the day is for my pity party. I guess I'm entitled to one day :(

Peace to you all ♥ Genie

They Say "Bald is Beautiful"...

Well, it's done. It's so done, it's hard for me to look in the mirror right now. What was I smokin' last night? Just kidding for all of you who don't know my humor....I don't smoke!! Matter of fact, it's disgusting to me. So with that being said, I'll continue. It had to get done, my hair was falling out by the handfuls and it was just a matter of doing it then, or probably today. Let me take you back...

I was talking on the phone with Luanne around 5:15 and telling her that one of these days soon I was going to have to shave it. She tells me that when it's time, to give her a call, that she wants to know. At about 8:45 I call her back to tell her that we're getting ready for the buzz. I don't think she expected to hear from me so soon, at least not a couple hours later. At 9:00 or so, John has me sitting on a chair in the kitchen and he starts to cut off the big pieces with scissors. I started to bawl at this point, sobbing into the arms of my son, Johnny. This picture was so backwards, yet so beautiful at the same time. I've always been the one holding him while he's cried, and here he was holding me. My little boy has grown up to be quite the young man and I'm so proud of him. He kept telling me that "It's just hair mom, it'll be okay. Don't cry, it's gonna grow back! Remember what Luanne said, that at least we know the chemo is working!" Then, as usual, Johnny got me laughing so hard it was difficult for John to continue because my head was shaking. John went on to use the electric razor (but OUCH! I think it needed something, cuz it hurt like hell). He then switched over to Johnny's small electric razor, but it needed charging after a few minutes. I was a mess at this point and there was no going back. John tried to use his straight razor, but the pieces were too long. Although it was falling out, remember, I had a TON of hair. Very thick hair. So, after about 1 1/2 hours, and 3 showers later, I was done. Man is my head HELLA white and shiny. No, I'm not excited about showing anybody soon, but it's reality. Hats are slippery, so I'm going to have to get liners and such, but "it is, what it is" and we go forth. By the way, Jordan was at a sleeper over this entire time and we've had our "moment" since then. She's doing well.

Today I am GRATEFUL for my loving husband John. John is such a trooper and my biggest supporter ever. I love John so much!! The other day I mentioned renewing our vows and he got very excited to do so. So who knows...you may be invited to another wedding this coming year :)

I'm also very GRATEFUL for my two children. We've done one hell of a job raising them, I must say. Johnny has turned out to be the best 16 year old a mother could ask for. He's absolutely the sweetest, most loving kid who would do anything for his family. He's super smart, funny, and quite the good looking boy (okay, I'm slightly biased). And Jordan, what can I say? She's so beautiful, from the inside out. She's VERY intelligent, has a unique sense of humor and I couldn't be prouder of what an awesome young lady she's turning out to be. At 12 years old, she already has it more together than a lot of adults I know.

Peace to you all ♥ Genie

Do I shave my head?

I woke up this morning with hair on my pillow and soon had a handful of it. Am I ready for this? John says he loves me with or without hair :) He actually thinks it's going to be sexy...whatever!! So this is what I'm dealing with today and it might be my biggest struggle so far. I'm about to go jump in the shower and I'm afraid to look down at the shower floor.

I have a feeling I won't have hair at my Christmas party after all :( but it's just hair, right?

Today I have FAITH. I have FAITH that God will help me through this. I also have FAITH that I will receive the emotional support I will need as a woman going out into the world without hair.

Peace to you all ♥ Genie

Catastrophic Leave

Right before leaving work there was an email that went out informing everyone that I was on Catastrophic Leave and that if they wish to donate hours to me, they can. Wow, I NEVER in a million years thought that after working with DMV for almost 9 years, that it would be my name on the subject line. How surreal. We get many emails throughout the day, just like at any other place of employment; some business, some personal, some you keep, some you toss. I've worked there long enough and there are SO many people who work at the headquarters, that usually I've never even heard of the person whom the Catastrophic Leave has been set up for. I've only donated my hours once to an employee because it's that seldom do you know the person with whom they're speaking of. It's weird that I would be so affected by this, but for some reason I am. They'll leave the Cat Leave open for six months for me, with hopes that as employees accumulate more hours, they'll continue to donate to me. As I was leaving, it felt good to overhear a couple employees already walking up and donating their time. Thank you to everyone I work with, it's nice to know that I'm loved and cared for.

Tonight's message brings HOPE. I HOPE to continue on with my positive attitude, and I HOPE that we're killing the cancer that has grown inside of me. I HOPE that you will all continue the prayers and positive thoughts that you've been sending my way and I HOPE that you'll never stop. I HOPE that for my children's sake, their mom lives a long, healthy life.

Peace to you all ♥ Genie

Long Day...

I'm finally home from getting my chest port put in. Okay it didn't take the entire day, but I was recuperating at Frank & Monica's house all day. I reported in at Kaiser @ 9:30, I actually had to be admitted, which I thought was kind of funny, but it's minor surgery so that's probably why. The nurse got me all prepped and into the operating room by 10:30 and the entire procedure took about an hour. They actually placed a "Power Port" inside my chest and the catheter got connected to my veins. This will enable the nurses to inject my chemotherapy drugs into my veins without all the pokes and awkwardness of having it in my arms. I've also found out that this particular type of port will enable them to inject contrast into my veins whenever necessary (for a scan for instance). Not all ports are the same and Luanne was very excited when she heard that I had this one inserted. They can also take my labs from this port too, if a nurse is available to do the procedure. Anyway, I was told that this port will last for many years and that once I can remove the bandages (in two days) that I will hardly notice it on my chest. They say that unless you feel it with your fingers, you wouldn't know it was there. Yay, that's what I was hoping for. Other than a SPLITTING headache from the anesthesia, I'm doing okay. I only needed one vicodin for the pain afterwards. Hopefully it won't hurt to sleep tonight.

Another thing that happened today...was that my sink was full of hair when I was done getting ready this morning :( I'm starting to get kinda sad about that, but if it continues at this rate, it's going to be pretty gradual. I was hoping to have hair at my work's Christmas party which is next week. Hopefully it'll last that long.

Anyway, tonight I want to focus on LOVE. I really felt the LOVE of my family today. Frank and Monica had no problem taking me for my procedure, waiting, driving me back to their house and letting me just hang out. Then Frank picked up Johnny and Jordan and brought them back, fed us all, and we waiting for John to get off of work to drive us all home. I'm extremely grateful for the wonderful family that I have and I'm really feeling the LOVE. Thank you.

And finally, I want to thank God for watching over my mother-in-law Pauline, who has been sick in the hospital the last couple days. She is doing much better and is home now. Pauline don't get mad at me for writing this please, but I love you SO much and I just want to shout it out for the world to know. Keep getting better :)

Peace to you all ♥ Genie

Chest Port...

Okay so I'm a bit nervous about my chest port being put in tomorrow, I've got to be honest. Yuck. Yes, it will be so much better for the nurses to access my veins, they won't have to search around anymore. So far, they've gone for the veins in my wrist, the top of my hand, and the side of my arm. So I guess once the port is put in, it will be much easier for the nurses. It will also free up my hands so that I can read or do cross-stitch (or whatever I feel like doing during my treatments). Since my treatments range in time from 2 hours to 5 1/2, I have plenty of time for activities :) And since we're going to be doing this for a MIGHTY LONG TIME, I might as well get comfortable. That still brings me back to the fact that I'm nervous :( I can't stand surgeries. Whether it's in-patient or out-patient, they're still cutting into me and inserting a foreign object and it just kind of oogs me out. Okay...enough said, I'm done complaining :) To turn my frown upside down, I will be "grateful" for the fact that I have been offered this opportunity to have a port put in and will look forward to the first treatment where I can freely use my arms.

Today I choose to be GRATEFUL for the love of my family and friends, GRATEFUL for the warm house in which I come home to, GRATEFUL that I have a job w/wonderful benefits, but most of all I'm GRATEFUL to God for keeping me here another day.

Peace to you all ♥ Genie

This and That...

This morning my good friend, Roberta, is taking me to church with her. I'm really excited, haven't had a regular church to go to in many years. I hope it's a good fit and I feel comfortable enough to attend on a regular basis, that would be great.

Wow, yesterday I had no energy all day, it was awful. So much so that I felt like I was in a daze, maybe even a light drunk feeling. At one point I ventured out to the store (not a good decision), but Jordan was with me. The reason I said not a good decision was because it took me like 45 minutes to pick up 4 items! I kept getting really distracted and I was moving in slow motion. Although Jordan thought it to be hilarious, I didn't. Don't worry, I won't drive like that again, it could have been dangerous. I sure hope today is better. We've been invited to go to dinner at Frank and Monica's house, but that's not until later, so we'll see how that goes.

I never made it to the Wig Shoppe yesterday :( I called the lady at the shop and she said that although it was set up through the American Cancer Society, that I can come in at any point. I'm gonna shoot for sometime this coming week, maybe I won't be so drained and I can start looking for wigs.

And lastly, I don't think I've really updated everyone on my most recent diagnosis. Those of you who I hadn't personally told only knows of the breast cancer. However, on 11/18 (the day before my first chemotherapy treatment) my Oncologist, Dr. Hui, informed me that the cancer had spread. It's now at stage 4, and extensively in my bones. It's near my spine, in my tailbone, in multiple vertebrae, in my liver, lymph nodes and glands. So whenever I mention bone aches, this is why. However, I'm going to be okay. It sounds a whole lot worse than how I'm feeling.

Remember...I BELIEVE in the power of positive thinking and God has really been answering my prayers lately. It's amazing how much so. So please continue to pray for me and think positive, healthy thoughts because that's what you can do for me.

Love to you all, Genie ♥

I never usually got up at 5:30 on Saturday mornings, but now it's become a regular thing. The nausea takes over and I shoot up out of bed like a rocket, for fear of vomiting :( Thank goodness for the meds, hopefully I caught it in time this morning! As I sit here typing, I can only hope I don't have to run quickly to the restroom. This has got to be the worst side-effect from the chemotherapy...so far. I know I'm not going to be jazzed over the hair loss, but at least it won't make me feel bad, physically. I'm trying to prepare myself mentally for the hair loss, but you never know until it's actually happened, what to really expect. I'm planning on going to a wig shop today and start to look around. I hope I don't cry. Although I've been pretty strong so far, it's still such a touchy subject that I'm starting to well up the tears right now just thinking about it. It's just hair, right?! I mean, it'll grow back. It's not like I have long, beautiful, golden locks, but still....it's my hair. It's also such a dead give-away that you've got cancer. So far, my appearance hasn't changed at all, so I can go anywhere I want with my little secret. But when I lose my hair, it's going to all change. Now I'm crying. I guess I'm just nervous about the whole thing. Going outside for the first time, going to work for the first time...it'll all be scary. It's silly to get all emotional over something that hasn't even happened yet :( The nausea is starting to settle down and now I think I can have a cup of coffee, if I take it slow.

Today I'm grateful to be alive, to be sitting here typing without pain. I'm grateful for the sound of John snoring in the other room because I know that I'm not alone in this journey :)

Love to you all ♥ peace. Genie

Services

Well this morning is my 3rd treatment and as I'm getting ready for it I was reflecting on how awesome some of the services are that have become available to me. I have two appointments for next week, one is with the American Cancer Society (ACS) and the program is called "Look Good...Feel Better". I'll be going to a class to show me how to apply makeup when I've lost my hair. Just think about your face without eyebrows or eyelashes, big difference. So for a woman, the makeup process is completely different. They'll go over everything from blending the foundation, to brushing on eyebrows, etc. I'm looking forward to it. Then, on Friday, I have a housecleaning service coming out to clean my house for FREE!! This program is for people going through Chemotherapy and it's called "Cleaning For a Reason". They put you on a waiting list and then contact a housecleaning company within your county that is contracted through them, and they come out once a month for four months to clean your house!! What a wonderful service. In speaking with the local contractor last night to set up the appointment, he asked (because he was curious) about how long the turn-around time was for the entire process. I told him that I had inquired about the service approximately 10 days prior, and he was amazed!! He said, "I don't know what kind of strings you pulled, or how it worked out for you, but right now the company has been inundated with phone calls, so much so that they had to turn off their phones! They actually have been receiving about 300 requests a day!" I couldn't help but laugh at what he told me and said, "you know, things have just been working in my favor! I'm truly blessed these days."

I mention this because if there's ever a time of wanting to give back or pay it forward, it would be now. I cannot wait to help out this company when I'm doing better, because they could truly use it. If you happen to know of anyone who would like to donate, or if you're able to do so yourself, or if you simply want to check it out, the website is called:

http://www.cleaningforareason.org/

Well, my hair is going to dry all funky if I don't get in and finish blow drying it. As long as I still have hair, I want it to look good!!

Have a happy day!! I know that I'm going to :) Love to you all, Genie ♥

You know what I'm struggling with? Hurting other people with the news of my diagnosis. It saddens me to see the look on their face, or the tears in their eyes after we speak. I know that it's a lot to swallow, however, I'm going to be okay! Maybe it's because for one reason or another, I know that I'm going to be okay, and they don't. You see, I'm not planning on going anywhere any time soon. God has other things planned for me and this is just a mere bump in the road. Okay fine, it's bigger than a bump, but still...I'm going to be okay.

And the other thing that I'm struggling with today is negative vibes. It's amazing, but almost from the minute I was diagnosed (the first time), I've been trying to think positive. Laura, my good friend and co-worker, told me from the start to stop the negative, and to just think positive. She told me a story of how they've used placebo drugs in the case of a couple patients who were undergoing knee reconstruction. The doctors & surgeons informed the families of the patients and so they were aware of it from the start. They never actually performed the surgery. They made the patients believe that they had been operated on, and even underwent some physical therapy afterwards. The patients truly believed that they were getting better and soon afterwards had full recovery. They never even had surgery!! And they never had the drugs, it was all placebo. The mind is an INCREDIBLE tool, we just need to know how to use it to our advantage!! When I hear people walking around complaining about the simplest of things, or when I know they have it in them to overcome something yet they choose to give up so easily, I want to shout out to them that THEY CAN DO IT!!

Together, we can overcome anything!! All we have to do is BELIEVE!! Today I choose to believe ♥. Thank you Laura for that story of inspiration. On that same note, I definitely don't want to forget my biggest fan, my brother-in-law Bob. Bob has texted, emailed me or sent me messages daily on facebook. Bob is absolutely my hero. He's not going to like me shouting out to him like this, but heck, I love him so much and I don't care if the world knows!!

Thank you everyone for another wonderful day!! Thank you God for keeping me around ♥

Genie

Up chuck...

Today was the first day that I didn't catch the nausea in time and actually got sick :( I was at work and felt it coming on so I took one of my anti-nausea meds (Zofran), ate some saltines and still felt ill. I decided to call it a day and took off for home, I just wasn't feeling right. When I got home, sure enough, up came my lunch. Dang it!! Vomiting is the worst :( I went to bed and once I woke up, it was better. Shoot...this is one obstacle that I wasn't prepared for. They've got such great meds out there now, that I really hadn't thought much about the vomiting...until now. Well, it's just another thing I shall learn to deal with. This too shall pass.

I knew my blog wouldn't always be sunshine and lollipops :) and I guess that's the reality to having cancer. However, with the love and support of my family and friends, I know that I can be real with everyone and this is a place where I can truly express how I'm feeling. I STILL believe it's a great day to be alive...barf or no barf!!

LOL. Love to you all. Genie ♥

I went to work today and although it was a long day and I was pooped when it was over, I'm glad I made it through. I've got to work as much as possible, I don't have a lot of time built up. However, I won't compromise my health to do so. If need be, I have already submitted a form called "Catastrophic Leave" and whoever works for a state agency can contribute their vacation time to me to use during this time of need. I will work whenever I'm feeling good and healthy. Although I'm experiencing a lot of nausea and it reminds me of morning sickness (yuck!), so I just carry around saltine crackers and drink chamomile tea whenever I need to. I also have anti-nausea medication that I can take if it gets too bad. I hope to be able to work the rest of the week. Since I'm off Friday (because of furlough) and that's the day of my next treatment, I should be able to make it through Thursday at work. We're taking it a day at a time. Hopefully people will keep away from me if they've got cold and flu symptoms. Time for me to put up a friendly reminder at work that my desk is a "germ free environment". We'll see how that goes over :)

Love & peace to all. Sweet dreams!! Genie ♥

The past few days have been SO wonderful, that the nausea hardly seems worth mentioning; although it's definitely a part of my everyday life now.

We drove to San Jose Thursday morning for a fabulous Thanksgiving dinner at my in-laws house. John, the kids, and I love to spend Thanksgiving with John's family, it's the best day ever!! Between the corn souffle that my sister-in-law, Terri (aka TT) makes, Nana's stuffing, or just sitting around catching up, I don't know what we look forward to more. I personally love to admire my mother-in-law's dollhouse that was hand-crafted by her grandfather back in the 1930's or so. It's an exact replica of the house that Pauline grew up in and it fascinates me! I love how she always has it set up for the next holiday :) This year Amy (one of the grandchildren) took the liberty of setting up the house for Thanksgiving. The dollhouse people (our family) go all out, including putting another leaf in the table, and using the "fancy" dishes. It's so much fun to look through the eyes of a child.

Friday morning John and I parted ways. Don't worry, it was only temporary :) John and the kids dropped me off at Luanne's house in Santa Clara, while they drove on home, since John had to work later in the day. I stayed at Luanne's house for a nice little visit until my brother Jeff, my sister-in-law Sheryl, and niece Marina, came to pick me up. Jeff brought me back to his house in Gilroy for the weekend. What a fantastic time I had!! My cousin Harold was already planning on coming for a visit and it was such a joy to see him when he arrived. We don't get to see Harold as often as we'd like because Harold is a Catholic Priest and travels around helping out wherever he's needed. Jeff is working on getting Harold set up with email so that we can be in touch with him on a regular basis :)

Saturday, Jeff, Harold, Marina, and I went for a drive through the hills to a little town called Corralitos. If it weren't for the car sickness that Harold and I felt afterwards, it would have been a beautiful drive :) We stopped and had lunch at this cute little deli where Jeff had to buy "the best bacon in the world" for Sunday's breakfast.

Sunday morning we all went to mass and the homily just so happened to be about a story comparing two cancer patients. Mary, was given a diagnosis where she felt she had nothing to live for, no hope, and she soon died. The other named Mark, was given the same diagnosis and felt that he had everything to live for, all the hope in the world, and ended up living a long life. The doctors told Mark that there was an 80% chance that he would survive this. After church, we all went back to Jeff's house for breakfast and it wasn't until we were talking about how awesome the message was, how God was speaking directly to me regarding the cancer, did it dawn on Jeff that too bad my name wasn't "Mark", then the story would truly have meaning. His mouth hung open as he said..."Oh my God, your name IS Mark!!! Your last name is Mark". We laughed for awhile about that. Just astonished how amazing things are if you truly believe that God is working in your life and I choose to believe.

The last amazing thing that happened over the weekend was that my cousin Linda called and said that she had a van for us. Just like that. She had known for awhile that we had one vehicle and she just called and told me to come pick it up. Wow!! I don't know how to thank her enough. It was as if my prayers were answered. When things start to get hard for me (and I imagine they will), having two vehicles will be wonderful. Thank you Linda for making my life easier :)

When I arrived home Sunday night, I received the warmest welcome from John and the kids. I've never felt so loved in my life :) They told me to never go away again!!

So you see...I had the best weekend EVER!! Thank you to ALL OF MY FAMILY for having us over, it was wonderful :)

Love to you all!! Peace ♥ Genie

It's a great day to be alive!

Today I am grateful...

For all the men and women serving our country
That I am living in the United States of America
For the fact that I woke up this morning :)
For my fantastic family & friends
For all the prayers and messages from loved ones
For the world's best husband
To be blessed with two terrific kids
For great health insurance
For the best doctors and nurses around
For quick pharmacy lines
For awesome meds that are keeping me from vomitting
For even better meds that are killing my cancer cells

The list goes on and on...

So you see, I am not bitter, I'm grateful. IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!!

May God Bless You All & Happy Thanksgiving ♥ Peace out

So far my journey has been pretty easy...considering the circumstances. I mean, who ever WANTS to be diagnosed with cancer?! But, after the initial shock, it's been a piece of cake. A little nausea here, a little bone ache there, big deal. Well, after speaking with Luanne a bit yesterday & this morning, I'm starting to get the picture that it's not always going to be as EASY as I'm letting it out to be. Who really cares that I have sores in my mouth, right? WRONG. Luanne says that it's a huge deal, that I should really watch that carefully, as she's seen it go terribly wrong, to where the patient can't eat and/or drink and ends up in the hospital being fed with IV nutrition. YUCK!! So...with that being said, I'll be picking up a mouthwash prescription today when I'm at the hospital, which will hopefully keep my mouth infection free.

I haven't introduced Luanne yet! Sorry about that. Luanne is my best friend of 31 years! Dang, we're old. Anyway, I trust Luanne with my life. She just so happens to be in the medical field and works with critically injured patients everyday. Luanne works as a manager at Stanford Medical Center, which just so happens to be where I was born :) Yay!

Well, it's time now to start getting ready for my day. My brother Frank & my sister-in-law (whom I've known almost my entire life) Monica, are taking me to my 2nd treatment today! I'm actually looking forward to another dose, believe it or not, because it's just one step closer to getting me healthy :)

Today I choose HOPE, LOVE, and HAPPINESS :)

And as Jordan would say...peace out

Today was full of mixed emotions for me. It started with work ~ yay, I went into work and although I was scared every time somebody would cough or sneeze around me, I managed to make it through the day. I felt good, so why not work? I'm not out on disability, so in the meantime, if I'm able to work, I'd like to.

Then, my brother Jeff came all the way from Gilroy to pick me up for a funeral of our cousin Linda's son. Martine Rosario was only 19 years old, just a baby. We wanted to go and show our respect. Linda's mother and mine weren't always close growing up, and so although we're cousins, we didn't get to spend enough time together. We recently reunited at my brother Tim's house in August and it was a wonderful occasion. However, I never imagined the next time I would see Linda would be at Martine's funeral. Jeff and I can only remember meeting Martine once when he was a little boy, so it was very sad that we did not know the young man that he had become.

With sadness, brings joy in some instances and this was one. Before the services started Linda motioned over Jeff's shoulder and we both turned around to see a well dressed man who was introducing himself as Jim. It took us quite a few minutes before realizing that Jim was Linda's brother whom we haven't seen since we were small children. We proceeded to reminisce after the ceremony and vowed not to lose touch again.

Life is too short. Enjoy the memories, love your family and friends, and most of all...live for TODAY because tomorrow is never guaranteed.

So this is all new to me, never had a blog before, never felt the need to inform everyone of what was going on in my life on a regular basis. Until now. Everything changed October 5, 2009 when Kaiser called and told me that I had breast cancer. What?! Are you kidding me?! There must be a mistake, I don't have cancer. I not only don't have cancer, I've never missed a mammogram! How could this be happening to me?

Instead of going back and reliving every single day since that horrible phone call, I've decided to start where I'm at and look back occassionally. Besides, what good will looking back due now? I've got to look to the future now and start working on getting better.

The reason for this blog is to inform family, friends, and those just curious about what my daily life has been like since the diagnosis. My children, Johnny and Jordan, should have something to look back on someday and I want to start here. Thank you for joining us on this journey :)