I'm adjusting well to radiation and I have 4 more treatments until I'm done. I can't wait to get started back on chemo, because it scares me to think that the cancer might be growing during these few weeks without it. There's a new pain that started yesterday and it's located in my chest. I know there's cancer behind my chest plate, so I'm assuming that it's probably the cause of this pain, but I'm not sure. If it continues I will contact Dr. Hui. Otherwise, we meet again on 3/07 for my next appointment and I'll inform her then. At that time I'd like to get a copy of my bone scan and I'll be able to see whether the cancer has grown in my chest or not. Gee...if it's not one thing, it's another, right?! This new pain feels like somebody is sitting on my chest and I'd like them to get off!! I've been applying heat, but other than just taking pain meds, I don't know what else to do. Hopefully it'll leave just as quickly as it came.
My cousin Linda sent me some wonderful books and I haven't been able to tear myself away from the first one, it's about the afterlife. I believe I'm a pretty spiritual person and if what this book is saying is true, heck, you're not getting rid of me very easily! This book is saying that we don't actually die when we leave this earth, but rather take on another journey of life. A non-physical one. I'm not scared to die, I just don't want to leave my family and friends, for I don't want anyone to be sad. I'm most concerned about my children and John. The kids are pretty resilient and will eventually be fine, however, losing your mom at a young age is so hard, I just don't want to cause them pain. And as for John...he's my best friend, my love. I will hope that he finds love again and remarries, for he's young enough to continue on with somebody who will treat him the way he deserves to be treated. As long as this person takes GOOD care of my family, I won't be "haunting" them :) Otherwise, they'd better watch out....LOL.
I sure hope I didn't freak anyone out because I was talking about passing over. I'm not trying to do that. Please understand that I blog about what's on my mind, nothing else. It's going to happen eventually and I'd like to be prepared as much as possible. I haven't started on the video yet because the kids have been out of school and my plan was to tape while they weren't around. Their vacation is over after today, so I should be able to start on the video taping this coming week.
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
So Far So Good...
Today I went for my 4th radiation treatment out of 10 and so far, it's been great. I learned to disassociate the vomiting with going to radiation and I haven't had a problem since then. As a matter of fact, I haven't had any problem at all with nausea and vomiting! Yahoo! I noticed after my very first treatment that there was a difference in my hip, that I could walk a little bit better. After the second treatment, I could walk even better. Well, after four treatments, I figured that I could try and work today. Although it wasn't easy, I managed to put in 4.25 hours today. I'm planning on returning tomorrow for the same amount of time, however, I'm going to bring the cane tomorrow when I go. Even though I've been able to stop using the cane, I still think it'll come in handy toward the end of my shift. Today I was in a lot of pain toward the end, and limping was starting to really take it's toll on me, where after awhile my good side started to ache from babying the bad side for so long. By the time I got home, all I wanted to do was go to bed. I literally planned on calling it a night at 6:15! I started to fix dinner, but I was hurting so bad that Johnny came in and offered to finish for me and after thanking him, I said goodnight. Well, as you can see...I'm up again and feeling much better than earlier. If all goes well, I'll be able to put in some time at work tomorrow.
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Mind Control...
It sure is a blustery morning and I'm glad to be indoors at the moment and not on my way to work :) I'm actually really missing work these days, but hopefully after some radiation, perhaps I can return to work for a couple days next week. Hopefully the treatment will work on the pain. Let's just hope for that. Over the past couple months I've been averaging about 2-3 days a month! Some people would say...WOOHOO! However, lack of work = lack of pay :( so it's not all that good. I would prefer to be healthy and working these days!
After speaking with Luanne, she told me about an article that describes in detail how a person can actually cause themselves to have nausea and vomiting without any real reason whatsoever, basically saying that it's all in your head. Well...ever since I was told I had to return to radiation, I've felt a little sick to my stomach. I haven't had chemo for two weeks and I haven't started radiation yet so there's no reason for the sick feeling. However, the past two nights I've gotten sick and vomited. I am now trying my best to think HAPPY thoughts of radiation and how they're going to radiate a completely different area, and how wonderful the people are that work there, so that I am not sick. Mind over matter, right? I know how powerful the mind can be, so it's just a matter of convincing myself that everything is going to be okay :) Here's to today's radiation!! Yahoo :)
My therapist the other day suggested that I start a video for my children. Originally this blog was supposed to be for them, however, it's turned out to be more for family and friends than just for them. So, I'm about to embark on a new adventure of video messages to my children. I'm a little apprehensive just because I can't stand having my picture taken or being on film because I just don't like the look or sound of myself these days :( I know, that doesn't sound good, but it's true. However, it's not for me, it's for them, so I'm going to suck it up and just get it done. I would LOVE to have had something like this from my mother and now I just wish I could hear her voice. Well, hopefully they'll appreciate this video and remember me how I am today and not how it'll be towards the end of my life. I still need to figure out how to piece everything together (like how to make a continual video and not just a lot of little ones) and where I'll set up my "studio". I'm sure you won't actually see the video, however, I'll let you know how it's going.
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
After speaking with Luanne, she told me about an article that describes in detail how a person can actually cause themselves to have nausea and vomiting without any real reason whatsoever, basically saying that it's all in your head. Well...ever since I was told I had to return to radiation, I've felt a little sick to my stomach. I haven't had chemo for two weeks and I haven't started radiation yet so there's no reason for the sick feeling. However, the past two nights I've gotten sick and vomited. I am now trying my best to think HAPPY thoughts of radiation and how they're going to radiate a completely different area, and how wonderful the people are that work there, so that I am not sick. Mind over matter, right? I know how powerful the mind can be, so it's just a matter of convincing myself that everything is going to be okay :) Here's to today's radiation!! Yahoo :)
My therapist the other day suggested that I start a video for my children. Originally this blog was supposed to be for them, however, it's turned out to be more for family and friends than just for them. So, I'm about to embark on a new adventure of video messages to my children. I'm a little apprehensive just because I can't stand having my picture taken or being on film because I just don't like the look or sound of myself these days :( I know, that doesn't sound good, but it's true. However, it's not for me, it's for them, so I'm going to suck it up and just get it done. I would LOVE to have had something like this from my mother and now I just wish I could hear her voice. Well, hopefully they'll appreciate this video and remember me how I am today and not how it'll be towards the end of my life. I still need to figure out how to piece everything together (like how to make a continual video and not just a lot of little ones) and where I'll set up my "studio". I'm sure you won't actually see the video, however, I'll let you know how it's going.
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Here We Go Again...
My dear friend Roberta was able to take me to my radiation appointment yesterday, and I was thinking that I would be starting my treatments then, but it ended up being the consultation. Duh, I know that they can't start me immediately, they have to align everything perfectly and that takes a few days. So, yesterday I had the CT Scan and they put three more tattoos on my skin since they can't go off of the old markings due to the fact that they're treating a completely different area. I start radiation treatment on Thursday and I will go for two weeks straight.
I also asked Dr. Pant if I could see my Bone Scan and he had no problem with showing me, so I was able to actually see the hot spots, and over the course of a year (since the last time I had a scan), the cancer has definitely grown in some areas. I was able to see my left hip (and it's actually the ball & socket) that has the cancer, and I asked about my right hip since I saw some shading on it also, and he said that I did have some in there also. I tried my best to read some of the report that accompanied the scan and he was scrolling through it kind of quickly, but I was able to see that it said something about my sinuses. I asked him about that and he said it's either an infection or that I indeed had some cancer there too, but he assured me that I didn't have any in the skull. Thank God. After thinking about it later on, I think I'm going to ask Dr. Hui for a copy of my scan so that I can look at it in closer detail. Heck, it's my body, they should be able to give me a copy. It's strange how they don't point out all of the cancer, that I have to ask about it in order to find out. I just don't understand sometimes. What would have happened had I not emailed Dr. Hui about my sore hip? And how long has the cancer been in there? It seems to have come on so suddenly. Why hadn't she requested a scan in a whole year? I understand the risk of doing it too often, but still. It makes me wonder about things sometimes.
An update on Jordan...she went to see her "Clinical Psychologist" today and although it's not going to happen over night, I believe it did some good for her to talk with somebody. He made her another appointment in a month and gave her some tools to help in the meantime. She also has a support group at school that she will continue to go to for additional help.
I will continue to have FAITH and the STRENGTH it takes to carry on, but please keep me in your PRAYERS. I know the Lord is listening and although I don't know when my time will be up, I'd like to make the best of it in the meantime and share some lasting memories with my loved ones.
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
I also asked Dr. Pant if I could see my Bone Scan and he had no problem with showing me, so I was able to actually see the hot spots, and over the course of a year (since the last time I had a scan), the cancer has definitely grown in some areas. I was able to see my left hip (and it's actually the ball & socket) that has the cancer, and I asked about my right hip since I saw some shading on it also, and he said that I did have some in there also. I tried my best to read some of the report that accompanied the scan and he was scrolling through it kind of quickly, but I was able to see that it said something about my sinuses. I asked him about that and he said it's either an infection or that I indeed had some cancer there too, but he assured me that I didn't have any in the skull. Thank God. After thinking about it later on, I think I'm going to ask Dr. Hui for a copy of my scan so that I can look at it in closer detail. Heck, it's my body, they should be able to give me a copy. It's strange how they don't point out all of the cancer, that I have to ask about it in order to find out. I just don't understand sometimes. What would have happened had I not emailed Dr. Hui about my sore hip? And how long has the cancer been in there? It seems to have come on so suddenly. Why hadn't she requested a scan in a whole year? I understand the risk of doing it too often, but still. It makes me wonder about things sometimes.
An update on Jordan...she went to see her "Clinical Psychologist" today and although it's not going to happen over night, I believe it did some good for her to talk with somebody. He made her another appointment in a month and gave her some tools to help in the meantime. She also has a support group at school that she will continue to go to for additional help.
I will continue to have FAITH and the STRENGTH it takes to carry on, but please keep me in your PRAYERS. I know the Lord is listening and although I don't know when my time will be up, I'd like to make the best of it in the meantime and share some lasting memories with my loved ones.
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
Friday, February 11, 2011
Cancer Has Spread...
WARNING ~ this may be a long one.
I've stopped crying and now it's time to move forward. A couple days ago I emailed Dr. Hui and told her about my hip, so she ordered xrays and was glad to tell me that there was nothing broken, but that she would still like for me to have another bone scan done to see how everything was going. Today I went for my bone scan and she called in the afternoon with my results. I could tell in her voice that she didn't want to deliver this news to me, but she was obligated. The cancer has spread. I asked her how bad it was and after hesitating a moment, she said that it had spread to my pelvis and my hip, that it was no wonder I was in so much pain. She wants me to go back to radiation (starting Monday) for another two weeks. She said that afterwards, we would reevaluate my situation and start a new chemotherapy treatment. She knows how bad my body reacted to radiation the last time, and that I've barely recovered from the nausea and vomiting! It's only been about two weeks of me being vomit free and now I've got to go back to that place?! OMG!! Please Lord help me through the next couple weeks, I need your help!!
During all of this, my sweet Jordan has been going through depression. She's obviously carrying a lot on her shoulders these days and the counselor at school thought that perhaps she should see somebody. John and I took her for a family session yesterday, but she will start her one on one appointments with a child psychiatrist on Tuesday. Poor sweetheart, I wish I could ease her pain. She's not only dealing with a parent who has cancer, but she's a perfectionist and if everything doesn't go exactly right, she has a hard time dealing with it. Life is sort of upside down with her lately and so my heart really goes out to her.
Jordan's favorite show in the world is Glee and she eats, breaths and sleeps Glee. I don't mind, because it's obviously making her happy. Well, the cast of the tv show is coming to Arco Arena (here in Sacramento) in May. I know how much she would LOVE to see them in person, so we were planning on purchasing her a ticket for her birthday, but the tickets don't go on sale for another week or so. However, tonight I got a text from Sonia that they were selling advanced tickets to American Express holders starting today! Well, thanks to my wonderful friend for helping me out (since I don't have one of those cards), we were able to purchase tickets!! This is the only reason I'm not crying right now, because I'm so excited for Jordan.
Please continue to pray for me, I know your prayers help. I appreciate all of the prayer chains that I'm on and I know that the Lord is listening.
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
I've stopped crying and now it's time to move forward. A couple days ago I emailed Dr. Hui and told her about my hip, so she ordered xrays and was glad to tell me that there was nothing broken, but that she would still like for me to have another bone scan done to see how everything was going. Today I went for my bone scan and she called in the afternoon with my results. I could tell in her voice that she didn't want to deliver this news to me, but she was obligated. The cancer has spread. I asked her how bad it was and after hesitating a moment, she said that it had spread to my pelvis and my hip, that it was no wonder I was in so much pain. She wants me to go back to radiation (starting Monday) for another two weeks. She said that afterwards, we would reevaluate my situation and start a new chemotherapy treatment. She knows how bad my body reacted to radiation the last time, and that I've barely recovered from the nausea and vomiting! It's only been about two weeks of me being vomit free and now I've got to go back to that place?! OMG!! Please Lord help me through the next couple weeks, I need your help!!
During all of this, my sweet Jordan has been going through depression. She's obviously carrying a lot on her shoulders these days and the counselor at school thought that perhaps she should see somebody. John and I took her for a family session yesterday, but she will start her one on one appointments with a child psychiatrist on Tuesday. Poor sweetheart, I wish I could ease her pain. She's not only dealing with a parent who has cancer, but she's a perfectionist and if everything doesn't go exactly right, she has a hard time dealing with it. Life is sort of upside down with her lately and so my heart really goes out to her.
Jordan's favorite show in the world is Glee and she eats, breaths and sleeps Glee. I don't mind, because it's obviously making her happy. Well, the cast of the tv show is coming to Arco Arena (here in Sacramento) in May. I know how much she would LOVE to see them in person, so we were planning on purchasing her a ticket for her birthday, but the tickets don't go on sale for another week or so. However, tonight I got a text from Sonia that they were selling advanced tickets to American Express holders starting today! Well, thanks to my wonderful friend for helping me out (since I don't have one of those cards), we were able to purchase tickets!! This is the only reason I'm not crying right now, because I'm so excited for Jordan.
Please continue to pray for me, I know your prayers help. I appreciate all of the prayer chains that I'm on and I know that the Lord is listening.
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
Monday, February 7, 2011
Sore Hip...
For a little over a week now I've been struggling with sore hips. Isn't that weird? First it was my right hip and it only lasted a couple days. Really sore, but I was able to walk w/a limp. I happened to have an appointment w/Dr. Hui and mentioned it to her, she looked at my last bone scan and didn't see any cancer in the general area and so she said that we'd just keep an eye on it. Within a couple days it had switched to my other hip! Now it's so excruciating that I can't bare any weight on it at all. Jordan had some left over crutches from a couple years ago, but they're too short. I just manage to limp along and slide my leg if I'm able to. It's so awful that I've almost fallen a couple times because of the shock of getting out of bed and putting weight on it or if I stand up wrong. It's now been about four days and I'm so scared of it being cancer that I haven't mentioned it to Dr. Hui. I'm also afraid she's going to think I'm crazy, since the last time we spoke it was in the other hip.
All I can think to say at this point is to please pray for me. The power of prayer is incredible and I sure could use some miracles right now :)
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
All I can think to say at this point is to please pray for me. The power of prayer is incredible and I sure could use some miracles right now :)
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
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