Under the Weather...

It's not that I haven't wanted to blog, it's just that I can't remember ever being as sick as I have been lately. This is the 3rd full week of me vomiting, not even keeping water down. The doctor's think that during radiation they could have possibly hit either my intestines or some nerves. All I know is that I'm miserable. If I'm still in this condition next week they're going to consider doing some scans to see what is going on. Yay, a month of puking my guts up...fun!! Just to lighten the mood, I can only think of my weight watcher leader (Teresa) and think..."it's all about weight loss!" LOL.

If I'm not up to blogging again before Christmas, I sure hope that each and every one of you have a joyous holiday filled with love and laughter.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

All Done...

Yahoo...radiation is over! Although I am glad that I no longer have to drive across town to Rancho Cordova (which is about 40 minutes away) everyday for treatment, a tiny bit of me is sad that it's over. I met some very sweet ladies in radiation who are obviously going through similar journeys of their own. I met one lady who has anal cancer and not only had to have radiation near her bottom, but also around her vaginal area as well. I felt so bad for her, she's such a sweetheart. Then there were a couple other women who were there with breast cancer who were having their breasts radiated. I also met some of the technicians there that I will miss, they were extremely pleasant and made it a more comfortable atmosphere. Forgive me if I've shared this before, but I leave there with thoughts of my mother-in-law (believe it or not) because she gave me a bracelet that sums it all up, which reads:

Cancer is so limited...it cannot cripple love...it cannot shatter hope...it cannot corrode faith...it cannot destroy peace...it cannot kill friendship...it cannot suppress memories...it cannot silence courage...it cannot invade the soul...it cannot steal eternal life...it cannot conquer the spirit.

Yes, believe it or not, it's very tiny writing, but it's on my bracelet that I wear everyday :)

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Two More Days...

Two days left of radiation...yahoo! I don't mind the actual radiation itself (heck, it's quick and easy), but it's the way I feel afterwards that I can't stand. My stomach has been on the verge of vomiting for the past week and a half, and I'm so sick of it. Now that I've started taking Zofran on a regular basis, it's helped me to keep the food down, but it hasn't helped me feel much better. I don't know what is worse, vomiting and getting whatever is upsetting your stomach out, or always feeling like you're going to vomit, but you don't. Well, I'm on the ladder part of the two options and it's such an awful feeling. I keep bags and paper towels in my car, just in case. I know, this is a gross topic, but it's exactly what I'm going through right now and it sure is the pits.

Tomorrow is my Christmas party for work, I sure hope I'm able to make it. I used to be on the entertainment committee at work and we would spend nearly the entire year preparing for this event. It's kind of weird no longer being involved, but at least John and I can go and relax now and I don't have to hurry off to "work" the party.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

My First Radiation...

I went for my first radiation treatment today and I sure hope it gets better :( First of all, they couldn't find one of the tattoos, they even used a flashlight to try and find the dot, but ultimately couldn't. I know they marked me, I felt it the other day and the lady even swore she did it, but for some reason it just didn't show up. Sooooo, they had to tattoo me again on the left side :( ouch. Other than that, they had to do a lot of x-rays (which took about 30-40 minutes) of laying in the same position. Remember...my back hurts, so it was really hard to lay flat and still for that long :( I took two vicodin before going in, but they didn't seem to help at all. I managed to get through the radiation and they promised me that from now on it'll only take about 15 minutes...I sure hope so. After we were all done, they went over skin care with me, and how I should apply some aloe vera gel to the affected area and also some lotion afterwards. They also mentioned that I may have some trouble with nausea and vomiting. Since we've already gone down that route for a year with chemotherapy, I wasn't concerned in the least. Well...half way home, my stomach started to get upset and by the time we got home, I was running for the bathroom. I haven't vomited like that in a very long time :( I even managed to take some anti-nausea meds on the way home, but couldn't catch it in time. Oh well, like I said, I'm hoping for the best!

On a lighter note...my son Johnny got his driver's license today!! Yahoo for him. We're so proud of him, he's such a good kid.

Today is a day of new beginnings. Good luck Johnny, I pray to God that you are safe out there on the roads. I pray that not only are you careful behind the wheel, but that others around you are just as cautious.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Thanksgiving...

Thanksgiving was quiet, yet sweet at the Mark household this year. We usually spend the holiday in San Jose with John's family hosted by his mother and step-father, but since the passing of his mother changed all of that, we chose to stay home. Thanksgiving actually came upon us quite suddenly and we hadn't made any concrete plans as to which house we would be attending and at the same time, we had the usual obstacle of John having to work early the next morning. So we decided to stay home, all alone. Although that sounds sad, it wasn't. John loves to cook and has even brought up the idea of hosting next year so that he can do it all over again. We did miss the family, but we texted and called all day to keep in touch with everyone :)

Tomorrow starts my radiation journey. Although it's only two weeks, I'm not looking forward to driving across town every day for my treatment. I hope the time flies bye :) And of course I hope it doesn't hurt! I spoke w/my brother Jeff the other day and he said that Sheryl's brother (his brother-in-law Mike) actually works on the radiation machines and has offered to give me a tour sometime! I'm fascinated by how it all works, so that sounds like lots of fun. Anyway, he went on to tell me some interesting tidbits about the process and how although the doctors say there's a slight chance of injury to some of my organs, he says there's a slim-to-none chance of that ever happening. He says that they are so precise nowadays that if you happened to have cancer on the end of your eyelashes, they could actually zap that w/out harming your eye!!! Now that's incredible :) Just hearing that put me at ease...so thank you Mike!!

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Radiation Consultation...

Friday was a long day. John and I went to my Radiation Consultation at 9:00 and although I was very nervous about getting started, it ended up not being so bad after all. It took a couple hours to position me exactly on the table where it wouldn't hurt (with wedges underneath my knees) and my arms positioned above my head holding onto a bar before we finally got the right angles. When everything was all aligned perfectly, the technician marked my skin with a sharpie and then followed it up with a small tattoo! I had heard somebody mention that they would tattoo my skin, but it still came as quite a shock for some reason. She ended up tattooing a spot on my stomach and one on both hips. Although they're planning to do radiation to my spinal area, they apparently go through the front and sides of me to get there. There is a very, very slim chance that my organs will be damaged as a result of radiation, but that is always a risk. I guess when you're in a position like this with cancer, the good outweighs the bad by far. When they're actually performing the radiation, a large arm of the machine will go underneath the table to zap my back. I'm very curious about all of this. I'm sort of lucky that my radiation is only 2 weeks (because we're zapping the spine & not the breast) because usually radiation to the breast is 6 weeks :(

During this process they naturally asked me lots of questions and one of them was when I started on chemotherapy and after giving it some thought, it was exactly one year ago to the day! Isn't that odd?! To start Radiation on the same day a year later sure makes it easy to remember!

That afternoon, I went for my last chemotherapy (for a few weeks). This marks chemo #39 and after the radiation Dr. Hui will determine whether or not we'll be returning to the Gemzar or starting on a new chemo. This chemo has been very easy on me. The only thing that I'm suffering with right now are my sinuses. However, with a little over the counter medicine, I'm good to go :)

I wish you all LOVE, PEACE, and HAPPINESS today!! ♥ Love, Genie

Allergic Reaction...

This past Friday I went for my chemotherapy treatment #38. Since it was late in the afternoon, I believe there was a scheduling issue and they couldn't give me one of the usual drugs I receive once a month to protect my bones, it's called Aredia. Anyway, Aredia is usually a 3 hour treatment and because I've had an allergic reaction in the past while they were administering Aredia, I'm automatically set up for a 4 hour drip instead. Since it was late, they rescheduled the Aredia for Monday @ 9:00. Well...6 1/2 hours later and 2 attempts to get the Aredia in me, they ultimately stopped the drip and called it a day because I kept breaking out in a rash. Apparently they were able to get 3/4 of my treatment finished. Holy cow, it was 3:30 by the time I was walking out of there!! Besides the Aredia and the wonderful rash that it causes me, they also gave me some Decadron steroid that keeps me up all night :( You would think I would be used to all of this by now, but nope. I don't like change much and going in on Monday after just being there Friday, rocked my routine. Oh well, it's all good now. Ultimately, they will probably have to switch the Aredia to an alternate drug (which I forget the name of) because I am the only patient that they can ever recall having a reaction to this particular drug. Lovely. They even had the pharmacist try and research if anyone had ever had a reaction to Aredia and she couldn't find anything!! It figures....LOL!!

John is still recovering from Hernia surgery. He had to officially report back to work today. He did go in this past Saturday, followed up by two days off, so it doesn't really count. This is his first day of an entire workweek, I hope he's able to hang in there and not overdo it! I hope he reaches out and asks for help whenever necessary.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Girl's Day Out...

Yesterday Jordan and I went to get our hair done! (Sorry no pictures attached) It's almost been a year and a half since I last had my hair done and it felt SO good. First of all, Jordan had about an inch taken off, layers around her face and some low-lights put in. For those who aren't familiar with low-lights, it's when you have blond hair and want to put in dark streaks. I on the other hand, had her do an all-over base color (getting rid of the gray) and I had her add high-lights. My hair is still too short for a haircut, so we didn't cut any off. She touched up my neckline and left the rest alone. It looks so cute, almost back to the way I used to wear it! I'm so excited. I think a lot of the look has to do with the fact that she blew it dry and I haven't blown it dry since it started coming in, and now I am. It sure added a lot of volume and I don't feel as bald anymore. It's still a lot thinner than it used to be, but it's coming in just fine. Next time I'll get a haircut. I know this may not seem important to some people, but just the feeling of "normalcy" is awesome. Maybe I can get Jordan to paint my nails and I'll really feel like a glamour girl :)

Peace to you all ♥

Love, Genie

P.S. I would like to send along some prayers to my good friend Sonia who's mom has finally lost her battle with cancer and other health issues. May she rest in peace. All I can imagine is her dancing with the angels up above, shining her beautiful light down on Sonia and her family.

Our Weekend...

This past Thursday John went in for hernia surgery. I guess the only way to stop him from running around is to put him under the knife, because he is finally relaxing. Poor thing, apparently it really hurt at first. Now that it's been four days, he's up and "slowly walking" around. It's so hard for him to sit still, but he's trying.

Friday night was Johnny's final high school football game. If you recall, he dislocated his shoulder mid-September, so he's been recuperating since then, and hasn't played in any games. That is, until last week. So....he got to play in two games the entire season of his senior year in high school. How sad is that?! He did REALLY well Friday night and he personally thought that he played better than he ever had. Unfortunately, we lost 26-27, but it was a good game. It was also Senior night, so the families of the seniors walked out on to the field and we were recognized with our son as they presented him with a small plaque. It was a very special night. For those who are wondering, Johnny didn't always wear #50, but it was a last minute change the coach made and he was just happy to play, it didn't really matter what number was on his chest.

The final thing that happened this weekend was that we had some banking to take care of. Apparently last week somebody obtained our ATM/Debit card information and made a purchase in Vista, California at a Chevron station in the amount of $220.90. Thank goodness it wasn't for more, but at least we caught it in time and took care of it. Chase listened to our situation and refunded our total amount, which was fantastic. The reason I'm telling you this is because I want you to watch out. I THOUGHT we were careful, but apparently you can't be too careful these days. We tend to think that either a waiter/waitress took down our information (out of eyesight) or somebody installed a "skimmer" at a gas station and when we swiped our card at the pump, all the information was taken. From now on, we will walk inside to pay at the gas station, and try to always carry cash to pay in a restaurant. Be safe!!

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

World Series Champions...

Do me a favor and log off right now if you're not a SF Giant's fan because that's what this blog is all about. I won't be offended, we can just agree to disagree :)

Over the past week or so I've been a nervous wreck, my stomach has been in knots and although I've wanted to blog, I just couldn't put my finger on what the problem was and so I stayed away. Well, that feeling is gone now and it's because I was nervous for the San Francisco Giant's. Although my family LOVES the funny group of misfits this year, we still walked around holding our stomachs, wishing that they could pull it off. Honestly, we really never imagined that they truly would. I mean...the freakin' WORLD SERIES baby!!

Let's start with John...boy I love this man and his dedication to his loyal G-men :) I think John bleeds orange and black, I truly do. He would wake up every morning and watch the Ashkon video religiously and walk away with a tear in his eye, just dreaming of the day in which they'd win the pennant! Between texting and phone calls, John and his sisters, brother-in-law, and step-father would communicate non-stop throughout the games leading to the world series. Once it started to get real serious (when we could truly envision it), they would stick to just texting, no phone calls allowed. After the games John would post inspirational messages on Facebook for all to enjoy :) Like I said, I love this man!!

Now there's Johnny who wore a Giant's shirt once when they lost, so the entire series he decided not to wear any Giant's garb for fear of jinxing them. He showed his dedication in a different way :)

Then there's Jordan who went for Halloween as a Giant's Fairy and wanted to "make all of their wildest dreams come true" and she did!! She doesn't sit and watch the games, she listens from the other room as she plays on the computer, but when her favorite's are up to bat, she walks in and cheers them on :)

Then there's me...I love them all. I got sad when John was talking about some of the players being "free agents" and how we may lose some of them next year. What?! No!!!!! Between The Freak (or The Franchise), Fear the Beard (or B-Weeze), MadBum, Uuuuu-ribe, Panda, Pat the Bat, "emergency appendectomy", rally thong (or Huff Daddy), Chez, Javie, Shotgun Cain (or Workhorse), Buster, MVP (Renteria), Smiley, etc. I've grown a little attached. This season has meant so much more to me than just another year, it's meant A LOT. With the loss of John's mom (whom we swear has been the angel in the outfield a lot lately) and with my cancer, there hasn't been a lot to look forward to...and so THANK YOU San Francisco Giant's for making us smile and laugh again. Thank you for a wonderful season of America's favorite pastime, and thank you for making me feel whole again. Here's to the San Francisco Giant's ~ the World Series Champions!!!!!

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

A Night in the Emergency Room...

It started with a fever and a rash, and before I knew it we were in the Emergency Room last night. They swiftly put a mask on me and I thought it was because they didn't want to catch something from me, but it was actually the other way around...to protect me from catching a virus from the hospital! So they did a bunch of blood work (which is always my favorite thing to do....NOT) and even at one point my blood was squirting all over the floor (according to John who got to watch the entire show) as I sat with my head turned for fear of passing out. Boy, it's a good thing I didn't see that. Apparently the nurse didn't have total control when she started to draw my blood. I don't know, but something went wrong. After that was cleaned up, they did a chest x-ray to determine whether or not I had pneumonia, check. Then, the blood and urine tests came back, nothing out of the ordinary, blood work looked perfect, check. The doctor came in to do an exam and ask me what seemed to be about 1,000 questions. One of which happened to do with my stools. Well...particularly if I'd ever had bloody stools. To make a long story short, they did a rectal exam and started to think that I may have something called Colitis which could have been brought on from my chemotherapy. So all of a sudden they're talking about admitting me into the hospital to stay overnight, etc.! I'm transferred to the "In-House Doctor" and he stops by to access my situation and ultimately decides that staying in the hospital might do more harm than good, considering I had my wits about me and seemed to be fine, that if my fever returned, that I should just come back. He thought that I may actually get sick if I stayed in the hospital...which sounds so weird, but makes sense. He ruled out Colitis and ultimately determined that I may have hemorrhoids...lovely. So, the fever and rash just went away on their own and now I'm supposed to just keep an eye on the hemorrhoids (if that's really what it is) and let Dr. Hui know about my ER visit. So...here's the breakdown:

Time in the ER: 5 1/2 hours
Total cost: $50
Time alone w/my husband: Priceless

It's better to be safe than sorry. I didn't sleep very well last night, kept tossing and turning, afraid I was going to get sick again, but ultimately didn't. To make a long story short, I'm fine. No need to worry, I'm hanging in there :)

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

A Couple Things...

Yesterday was an important day and I blew it :( My good friend Sonia was out of town and asked two survivors (Allison & myself) to go represent her and accept an award on her behalf at a fancy dinner downtown. We're all apart of the RAC-PAC and our team did outstanding in the walk and collected a HUGE amount of donations so they wanted to thank Sonia for her and her team's hard work. Well, I went home from work a little early to take a nap because the pain in my back was starting up again. I emailed Allison to give her a heads up and she told me to let her know when I woke up. I set my alarm for 3:30 p.m., but woke up at 4:30 p.m.!!! The dinner started at 5:00 p.m. sharp. It was too late to get ready and rush down to the award dinner :( I called Allison and apologized, and she seemed to understand, but I still feel like I let her and Sonia down :( I know that they probably realize what I'm going through, but it still felt really awful to flake on my two good friends. Maybe we can all get together soon and make up for it :) I had even purchased a new blouse to wear, maybe I can wear it when we meet up again!!

Today I met with Dr. Hui and she wanted to talk about my pain that I've been experiencing lately. She said that it may be from my new chemo, but that we probably need to do another cycle or two to see for sure. She said the the results from the tumor marker wasn't back yet, so she couldn't check on that. She asked me if I wanted to do radiation, and I said that it was hard for me to pinpoint the exact spot that the pain is coming from, but I pointed to my lower back and hips. She said that she could look at my bone scan (x-ray) and see if she could figure it out and sure enough there were some hot spots around my tailbone area that she figured we could zap with radiation to alleviate some of the pain that I've been experiencing. She put in a referral and I'm sure I will be hearing from Radiology soon. At that time, my chemo will temporarily stop and I'll start radiation. After my appointment, my chemo immediately followed and as if God knew I needed her, nurse Mary was my nurse today and we went to the West Wing (which is a very small room) which happened to be empty other than us two. I asked her all about radiation and she gave me some wonderful tips, like that I should definitely use pains med before my appointment because I'll have to lay very still on a flat surface for a long time the first visit. This visit they will use wedges and lay me in a certain position to get exactly to the tumors. I asked if I would be laying on my stomach or not, since it's in my back and Mary wasn't sure. The only thing that scares me right now is that I fear the cancer will grown during the period in which I will not have chemotherapy. I know that I'm in God's hands and I have faith in the medical staff and that they're doing everything possible to save me, but fear is such a natural thing and I need to try and relax.

Today I have FAITH that God will help ease the pain and teach me to relax a bit more.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Pain, Pain, Go Away...Come Again Another Day!...

Knowing that I'd over done it yesterday, I thought I'd take it easy today. I went into work, but tried to not walk more than I had to. However, by lunchtime I had to take 2 Hydrocodone and the pain didn't even let up. I was hurting pretty bad. I decided to take off work and relax at home where I can sit in the recliner with the heat & massage on. It helped a little bit, but the pain in my back is getting to be pretty gnarly :(

Although I really didn't feel like it, I had to make a trip to Kaiser to have my blood taken tonight. I have to go in two days before chemotherapy to have my blood drawn for testing each week or other week (depending upon my schedule). I forget exactly what they're looking for, but if my counts are too high on some of my tests then I cannot have chemo that time around. So far, I haven't missed a chemo treatment (other than when I had an infection in my finger). So, I guess my blood has been pretty good. Friday will be chemo # 36.

Even though I haven't been feeling 100%, I still must mention how stinkin proud I am of those San Francisco Giants :) Maybe they're doing it for me!!!

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Over Did It...

Today was a great day until...I over did it :( After work I picked up Johnny from school, took him to get his hair cut, then drove back over to the school to pick up his buddy who has a 6th period (which Johnny does not) and took them both back to our house to work on a project together. As soon as I pulled into the driveway Jordan called to be picked up from school and wondered if I could please drive her friend home too. Since Ashley's dad is always doing us favors, I didn't mind doing this for him. We finally get home and watch the rest of the Giants game (all I can say is YAHOO!!!) and before I collapse for the evening I think about how much our dog Sammy is driving me crazy as she wants in, then out, then in, then out, etc. So I mustered up some energy and asked Jordan to accompany me to Lowe's, to look for a dog door. Sure enough, we find one, we get it loaded into the van and we head home. My back was starting to send out a warning, as it began to throb. Oh no, had I over done it? I barely got back into the house before I almost collapsed...literally. I took 2 percocets and called it a day. I really shouldn't have done so much running around, but it was really the walking that made my back hurt so much. Why did the dog door have to be all the way in the back of the gigantic store?! Dang.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention that I managed to get a HUGE sore on my tongue the other day. It was not a pretty sight. I called the chemo nurse and she suggested Magic Mouthwash. She said that it would probably get worse before it got better...lovely. However, it actually didn't. I was all over the mouthwash, using it every 6 hours as prescribed and it has completely cleared up :) I'm so happy because it was really ugly. For those who have never heard of Magic Mouthwash, it's a wonderful thing. The bottle has no ingredients listed and it's used for patients on chemo. I've learned to acquire a taste for this medicine over time because it was NASTY at first and I could hardly handle it. Maybe now that I know how well it works, makes me want to take it...who knows.

Anyway, hope all is well with each of you :) Have a great evening.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Not Holding Back...

I was asked yesterday what the problem has been lately in regards to my blog, whether or not it had become bothersome. To set the story straight, no, it hasn't become bothersome, however, I have had a definite problem with blogging lately. I believe that it's because I feel pressured into always being positive and uplifting whenever I blog and I'm not always feeling that way. I'm afraid if I blog my true feelings on the days in which I'm not feeling good, you may not want to hear it. However, I think that I need to get it out and this form of journaling will probably do more good than anything if I share my true feelings with you. So...hear goes. From now on I'll be brutally honest with my raw feelings, not holding back.

Today I stayed home from work because the neuropathy in my feet was hurting so bad that it literally hurt to walk across the floor. Later in the day I managed to get to the store and bought some soft slippers so my feet are feeling somewhat better. I'm about to take all my meds and go to bed, but it'll be a restless night (as usual). I toss and turn all night long, but it hurts so bad to just roll over at night that I actually get up out of bed turn around, and then lay back down. Fun huh? Not so much. Especially if I'm really tired. But the alternative is laying in pain on one side or the other and I'd rather get up and reposition myself. I can't lay on my back at all and laying on my stomach just doesn't feel comfortable either. When John's snoring gets to be too much for me (since my sleep is so broken up), I gather my pillows and lay out on the couch. I usually spend about 4-5 nights a week on the couch :( Believe me, John feels AWFUL about it and is working on trying out a sleep apnea machine to help with the snoring issue. I hate to bring it up because he feels so badly.

Well, off to bed for now. I promise to not hold out anymore. I hope to get back to blogging on a regular basis :)

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Spoke Too Soon...

So maybe I spoke too soon. Yesterday and today I've been under the weather :( Yesterday was my second treatment of the new chemo and last night I vomited several times, not fun. Then today, I've been able to keep everything down, but barely (with the help of the anti-nausea meds I have). What happened to "this chemo will be much easier, less side effects"? Gosh, so far it hasn't been fun. My hair has started to thin out, it's been falling out on my pillow, in the shower, and in my hair brush. I'm nervous about losing it, but it's almost easier that way, then hair wouldn't be falling out all over the place. Yes, at least I know the chemo is working when I lose my hair, and heck, it's almost winter again and wearing the hats won't be such a bad thing. Believe me, I've got several to choose from by now :)

Well, that's all for now. I sure hope the nausea stops tomorrow, that would be awesome.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Side Effects - Much Better...

I don't know if it was the excitement over the SF Giants going to the playoffs or if this new chemo is that different, but yesterday was a great day! I'm hoping it was the new chemo and that it's going to be much easier than the Avastin has been for me in the past. Although (so far) the side effects have been easier on me, the pain still remains :( I don't know which is better, having to pop pain pills throughout the day and living in a weird fog or dealing with the long list of side effects that comes along with the chemo (like the nausea, vomiting, lethargy, neuropathy, etc.). Well, either way, at least I'm still here and ready to handle whatever life throws at me, no problem.

I imagine that if the side effects ease up and my recovery time is less, perhaps I can work more often and feel almost "normal" again. Wow, that would be awesome. Can you imagine? Actually working an 8 hour shift would be quite a long day, but maybe I can handle that in the near future :) I know, it sounds so weird for me to get excited over that considering John (and a lot of people out there) work 10-12 hours a day on a regular basis. Well, those days are definitely over for me right now. But, we'll try and start with 8.

And finally, we're so stinkin' proud of our San Francisco Giants, it's been crazy around here!! John and I want to believe that his (very loyal fan of a mother) had something to do with their win last night. I can see Pauline as an angel in the outfield helping her team out a little bit. Go Giants!!

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Now that I've figured out how to attach pictures, you may see more of me than you'll want too! LOL :) Today was my first day on my new chemotherapy. It's called Gemcitabine (Gemzar for short) and apparently it's supposed to be way easier on me than Avastin & Taxol were, so yay! My new schedule is 2 weeks on, 1 week off, 2 weeks on, 1 week off, etc.

Yesterday was a really hard day and after digesting everything that Dr. Hui said, I got a good night's sleep and had a very good day today. I woke up with a purpose this morning and that was to fight this damn cancer as hard as I can. Without rehashing everything that was said yesterday, I can tell you that my cancer counts (the tumor marker) has gone up from 40 to 50 to 60 to now it's at 118. Dr. Hui said that she's going to skip the scans this time around because she already knew what they were going to say. At first I took that as...."there's no hope", but after speaking w/Luanne, she (as she usually does) helped me interpret it as how Dr. Hui probably meant it and that was..."I already know that your numbers are up, so your tumor has grown, and I don't want to put you through unnecessary radiation & have you laying on your back for a long period of time to have those scans done. Since it hurts to lay on those tables, I don't want to put you in any more pain at this time."

So instead of dwelling on my life, I helped the man sitting next to me see the brighter side of life and showed him that the power of positive thinking really does help. Paul, if you can hear me out there, NEVER give up!! Keep the faith and you'll be around for a very long time. May God Bless You ♥

And Sonia, thank you for visiting with me today, I appreciate your friendship so much :) And thank you for my beautiful tulips & t-shirt, I love them. Too bad you weren't in the picture with me.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

P.S. I think when I attached the picture I messed up the format or something and so my paragraphs are weird. Oh well, I tried :)

Change is Good...

So I've been in a real funk lately and hopefully it's over! I had a nice talk w/Luanne and we came to the realization that the one year anniversary was way more meaningful than I'd realized...deep down inside. I really kind of thought that I'd be over the cancer by now and that the one year anniversary would be a nice celebration. Well, no, it doesn't work like that. At least not in my situation. Luanne helped me look at things in a more positive way and rather than thinking of how long it's been, she reminded me of how far we've come in that amount of time. She also reminded me of the fact that change can be good and that just because the Avastin is no longer working, doesn't mean this is the end. That there's many other "cocktails" out there that we can try, so I don't need to sit and worry about that. It was a nice talk w/Luanne and sometimes that's exactly what I need to get my head back in the game.

So...yesterday was my birthday and now I have replaced those horrible birthday memories with happy ones. I ended up having a wonderful day filled with love and happiness, and my honey sent those beautiful flowers to me! What a lucky girl I am :)

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Talking With Nurse Mary...

Wow, two blogs in two days...I'm on a roll! Actually, I can't sleep (thanks to the steroid) and so I thought I would follow up with some news from my oncology nurse yesterday. When I went to have my treatment I told her all about my cancer cells increasing and she said that it was pretty amazing that I have been on Avastin for 11 months, that most patients usually hit the 6 months point and they're changing out their meds. She proceeded to tell me not to be discouraged, that they may end up changing my meds 2, 3, 4 times during this process, that this is just the way chemotherapy works. I asked her if I would definitely lose my hair again and she said absolutely not, that it all depends upon the chemo, that with some you don't lose your hair at all. YAY!! She asked what I was switching to, but I told her that Dr. Hui hadn't decided yet, but that I would know in a couple weeks, when I start my next cycle. She also informed me that my schedule would probably change too, and that my side affects may be different. I'm so glad that she had the time to go over everything with me, it really made me feel a lot better.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Cancer Counts Are Up...

I have a tendency to either sleep a lot or just lose contact when things aren't going so good. Well, last week I had an appointment with Dr. Hui and she explained to me that my tumor marker was showing that my cancer counts are going up, and that they've been slightly elevated since May. WHAT?! All I heard from that was cancer and going up. After she explained to me again, I started to understand. Apparently, after doing a study on Avastin (my main chemo drug), they realized that they didn't need to use such a high dose on cancer patients and so they lower my dosage a little while back. Well, after we talked, Dr. Hui decided to bring my dosage back up for this cycle and she would keep an eye on my cancer counts. If nothing changes, then we're going to switch chemo drugs and I will be on a new cocktail. I'm not good with change :( All I could think of was the fact that for the past 11 months I've gotten accustomed to this particular routine and quite frankly, I didn't want anything to change. I imagine that with new chemo, comes those lovely side affects, and that I will probably lose my hair again :( I currently have a short VERY curly hairdo that I will surely miss if it falls out again. Yes, it's just hair....but still, again?! So this is why I hibernated for a few days and didn't tell anyone. I figured that if nobody knew, it would go away, right?! Nope, still there. One of these days I will learn that ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away.

Today I go to chemo and Johnny is going to be accompanying me since Monica isn't able to make it. It's chemo #32 for the year. It's sure sweet of my kids to come along whenever I don't have anyone, I'm sure it's a thrill a minute for them! haha :)

Today I need to focus on ACCEPTANCE. I need to accept the things I cannot change. And as the Serenity Prayers states, "the courage to change the things I can".

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Just stuff...

I haven't blogged in awhile and I apologize, it's kind of rude of me to bring you all into my life and then shut the door occasionally. There's nothing in particular going on and there's no need to worry about me, I've just been going through life. Actually, it's coming up on a year in a few weeks that I discovered the lump in my breast and that's sort of been weighing on my mind. What if I had caught it sooner? Would it have metastasized? Would I be sitting here cancer free as a result of catching it early? It's been a long year and are we much closer to killing this cancer? One side of me wants to say no, that we have a LONG ways to go, but the other side says that we've killed some already and these things take time. I know things aren't going to work in my time, but rather in God's time, so I need to relax. It's so easy to say these things, but sometimes it's actually hard to sit back and trust that we're on the right path. I do believe, and I pray all the time, but honestly, it's hard when you don't know what's going on inside of you. I have another scan coming in October/November sometime, but I wish I could monitor it much more frequently. Like a portable x-ray machine. That would be cool. I would probably use it everyday to see how things were coming along. So in the meantime, I've got to be patient, and that's VERY hard for me to do. If you know me...that's almost impossible :(

Thanks for checking in on me. Today I want to spread LOVE and JOY, so kisses for everyone ♥ (*SMOOCH*) xoxo

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

We're shrinking...

Weighed in this morning and lost another 3.6 pounds, bringing me to a total of 16.8 so far :) Although it's going very, very slow, I'm still really stoked that instead of gaining weight through chemotherapy (like most people do), I'm losing weight. Yahoo!! I can't exercise at all, so this really thrills me :) Every once in awhile I'll walk around the block with John and Jordan, but it's not quite enough to call exercise. At least it's something. And Teresa Rose would say as long as I'm "moving more, and eating less", I'm on the right track.

Okay, now that I'm done tooting my own horn, I'll brag about my husband who lost 8.8 this past week!!!! I'm very proud of John for trying, whenever he does, it's VERY evident in the numbers. Good job sweetheart :) I'm not sure about his running total, but I think he started all over again this past week.

And as far as an update on Johnny, apparently I was wrong...he actually had a dislocated shoulder and not a separated one. He is on the mend, wearing his brace and doing well. He will start his physical therapy soon and has hardly needed any pain meds.

Life is good and I want to stick around for more of it :)

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

My son...

Yesterday morning Johnny was scheduled for his Senior Portraits and I wasn't going to go (because I wasn't feeling terrific), but I decided that this was an important day which may require a mother's assistance, so I did. Wow, what a handsome young man he has turned out to be. It was neat watching him with the photographer because although he can't stand a lot of attention and surely doesn't like to have a bunch of pictures taken, he was very mature and just a great kid.

Johnny proceeded to go to football practice and a couple hours in, we got a phone call at home from the coach..., "it appears that your son may have separated his shoulder" was all that I heard. We jumped in the car and rushed down to the school. I've never seen Johnny in so much pain and it hurt me to the core to hear him wince in pain as we hurried to the hospital. One look at him and they rushed him in. I automatically took control and went with him, not even discussing with John as to which parent should accompany him during this stressful situation. Looking back now, I feel bad, but it sure made me feel whole again as I was there for my son during his time of need. We sat in the emergency room for 3 1/2 hours, but it was well worth it. They shot him up with lots of morphine and after x-rays to see that he hadn't broken anything, they started the procedure of placing his shoulder back in the socket. They had him lay on his stomach (which was VERY painful) but as soon as he did, his arm swung right back into place on it's own! The doctor was delighted that he didn't have to cause more pain to him, and Johnny was thrilled that it was all over. He said that he felt relief immediately and that his pain level went from off the charts to a 1 on a scale of 1 to 10. We brought him home (still doped up on morphine) and put him to bed :) He's got an Orthopedic appointment this morning and hopefully he won't be out of football the entire season.

Today I am THANKFUL that I was there for my son when he needed his mom the most ♥

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Updates...

Yesterday I had an appointment with Dr. Hui and she said that the Tumor Board was divided. They ultimately went with what Dr. Bodai recommended, which was to wait for surgery, that my treatment was coming along just fine. She also informed me that she learned from the Radiologists who were there, that the chemotherapy was working better for me than we realized, that I was reacting to it really well! We were very pleased with that. I will have my next scans in either October or November.

Last week I went to see Dr. Gaggero (who we've seen in the past for Jordan's ingrown toenail) and he removed my big toenail on my left foot. He also advised me to pick up some ointment that would thin my nails out because another side effect of chemo is thickening of the nails. Once I thin the nails out a bit, they'll look semi-normal again. With a little nail polish, nobody will be able to tell that I have a lot going on with my feet :)

Today was my chemo #28, the beginning of my 10th cycle :) Whew, time sure flies when you're having fun!! Monica came along with me and Sonia came to visit too. I swear, the nurses target Monica every time! This time they didn't want her to sit in her fold-out chair, claimed it was too big and might be in the way. Said that if she used a chair like that, everyone would want to bring their own chairs! It made me sad that they seem to pick on Monica, she's one of the sweetest people I know. She's brought a fold-out chair to 99% of my visits! I just don't understand. We still managed to have fun and enjoy our visit, but sometimes the nurses get very nit-picky. After chemo we went to visit my Dad who was in the West Building. My Dad is having difficulty with his colon at the moment and may be having surgery within the next couple days depending upon the tests that they're running. It was good to see him and also my brother Jeff who was in town for a short visit. I sure wish they both lived closer!!

Today is all about FAMILY! Don't hold grudges, life is too short. Pick up the phone and be the bigger person. You only live once, and in the end, it doesn't really matter. Live, love, laugh, that's what it's all about.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Funk...

I've been in a funk lately and I guess it's normal considering what I'm going through. I try to get up every morning and put on a happy face, ready to conquer the day, but some days are more difficult than others. Also, the loss of my mother-in-law is huge in my household, making for a lot of frowny faces :( Although it's been almost two weeks now, it's still very fresh.

My back has been aching more so lately than ever before. I've had to increase my pain meds, which kind of scares me a little bit. I relate pain meds to cancer, so whenever I have to take more, I naturally assume the cancer is growing in my back. I sure hope not. I should hear back any day now regarding whether or not I'm having surgery. My feelings are mixed, I don't know which way I'm leaning towards. Surgery? Or no surgery?

Today I wish I could take away the hurt that John is feeling. He misses his mom so much, I can see the pain written all over his face. It's not normal to see my husband so sad and I wish I could take it all away. I love you John and if you can keep your mind and your heart open to anything, maybe your mom will come visit you someday. All you have to do is BELIEVE.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Pauline...

There's many jokes about mother-in-laws out there, but mine was never one to joke about. Mine was one of a kind. My mother-in-law, Pauline Clark-Stephanski, lost her battle with lung disease and passed away this past Friday, July 23, 2010 at 9:40 a.m. She was truly a gem.

I met Pauline when I first started dating John, back in 1990 and I'll never forget how excited John was to introduce me to her. He will always be his momma's boy :) We drove all the way to Clearlake in his little 1974 Mercury Capri with his golden retriever, PJ, in the backseat. It was raining like crazy and it was my job to bring lots of paper towels to plug the holes where the windshield and door came together because otherwise it would rain down on me! We drove all the way to Clearlake and drove up to this cute little two-story house that had a separate entrance with the words "Inn Oz" over the door. John proceeded to tell me a beautiful story about two people who fell in love many years earlier, where the man (Charley) asked the woman (Pauline) if she would come with him to the Emerald City (San Francisco) on a date, and that is how it all began. From that point on, she was known as Dorothy and he was The Tin Man and they owned a cute little bed and breakfast called Inn Oz. They welcomed me with open arms. I never knew love like that before. No questions asked, just a loving family ready to welcome me into it.

Fast forward to 2009 when I was diagnosed, Pauline asked me if she could step in as a substitute for my mother since I'd lost her 8 years earlier and I never felt so honored. Pauline was incredible. Some of the things that she did amazed me. She would sit at the computer and research things and told me about some of the programs and opportunities available with breast cancer research that I'd not even heard about yet, but sure enough a few weeks later, I would catch myself saying, "oh yeah, my mother-in-law just told me about that!" She was one in a million and she'll be missed by so many.

May you rest in peace Pauline, I truly loved you like a mother.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Well Wishes...

Although I only got three hours of sleep last night thanks to Decadron that I receive as one of my pre-meds for chemo, I'm still going to try and have a fun day at the fair with family and friends. John's friends (Don/Kris & Dave/Brenda, along with their children) came from as far away as Salinas to spend the day with us at the California State Fair. We warned them that it's going to be somewhere between 102-104 according to the latest forecast, but with the asphalt at Cal Expo, it always raises it a couple degrees :( I agreed to go to the fair and walk as far as I possibly could without the need of a wheelchair, but I'm just going to have to put my pride aside and cave in when it gets to be unbearable. Believe me, I tossed the whole idea of going to the fair around in my head all night long, but eventually decided that I want to be a part of this family as much as possible and I can always take a long nap later this afternoon :)

John's mom, Pauline, is still in the hospital suffering from lung disease. We would appreciate it if you would send your prayers along to her and Charley (who is patiently awaiting for her to get better at home, while he recuperates himself from shoulder surgery). If you know Pauline, she's the most wonderful mother-in-law a girl could ever have and she's one tough cookie at the same time. Even if you don't know her, you'd love her. So please take a moment and send positive thoughts in her direction as she battles another tough round. We love you Pauline!!

Today I wish for cool temperatures & healthy thoughts for Pauline!!

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Low and Outside...

What a fun night it was Saturday night. I wasn't that nervous (believe it or not) once I decided that "it is what it is" and that it's not something to get all worked up about. So I didn't. We met at Raley Field about 5:30 and I was given my t-shirt to go put on, but along the way I was told that Sonia wanted me to meet somebody. Even when she's not around (because she was in San Diego at her daughter's synchronized swimming meet), she's still in charge! I laughed and followed the lady from Susan G. Komen to meet Ann who also has Metastatic Breast Cancer and was diagnosed 7 years ago! I was thrilled to meet her, she's a fantastic lady and we talked for nearly 20 minutes before I realized that I'd better hurry and get changed in time! After changing into my t-shirt I met up with her again and we promised to keep in touch via email. It's nice to find somebody who has something in common with you. A few minutes later they walked all of the survivors down a ramp which led to the field and we waited there for awhile until they were ready for us. Once it was time, all the other survivors took the field and lined up around home plate while Carly and I walked out to the mound. I was first and I took a couple steps towards the catcher while they were introducing me and then as the announcer was saying, "Okay Genie, give it a whirl", I threw out the first pitch. I would say it ended up being a ball, low and outside, but at least I got it to the catcher :) I actually did much better than I was expecting to. Thank you to Johnny (my son), Ryan, John, Anthony and Johnny (Sonia's husband) for taking the time to practice with me ahead of time. I'm sure I did much better than I would have done without your help, so thanks again.

What I loved about the night most, was that a majority of my family was there! Here's a shout out to John, Johnny, Jordan, Marcy, Bob, Erin, Ryan, Jeff, Josh, Frank, Monica, Frankie, Zach, Miles, Tim, Melynda, Tyler, Nick, and Hannah. I wish the rest of my family could have been there also, but thank you guys for your support ♥

Although I'm tired from chemo, today is a GOOD day and I'm so happy to be here. Thank you Lord for another day :)

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Tonight's the Night...

It's a beautiful morning here in Sacramento and all I can do other than think about tonight, is to listen to the pretty sounds of the birds chirping outside the window. I know that throwing out the first pitch tonight is a big deal, however, it's not the end of the world. I've practiced and I plan to practice some more tonight, but in the big scheme of things, I'm not a professional ball player and it is what it is. Sure it would be awesome to go out there and throw it right to the catcher and make my family proud, but in actuality, it may not happen that way. I played ball in high school, but it's been MANY years and I haven't even pretended to play since then. So what I'm trying to say is...I'm going to do my best tonight.

Johnny & Jordan have been staying with family in San Jose for the past five days and I'm so excited that they're coming home today! Every once in awhile I picture what it would be like to have the house to myself...well, it's been lonely. I don't get an opportunity like this very often, but I really didn't do much once I was alone. Instead, I missed them like crazy! Marcy (my sister-in-law) has been warning me that they're going to be experiencing the same thing when Ryan leaves for college this summer and it sure is going to be strange. Except it won't be for just five days :( Marcy and Bob, what will you do with no kids in the house? We may have to come visit more often to keep you company.

By my next post, I will have already thrown out the first pitch at the River Cat's game and I can tell you all about it :)

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Practice, practice, practice...

Today's chemotherapy is at 9:00, but Sonia is really concerned that I get my pitching practice in before Saturday, so she's asked me to come over on the way to Kaiser...at 8:15! She says either her son Anthony or her husband will have to get up and help me practice. I feel awful and told her that they didn't have to get up so early in order to help me, that we could work it out some other time, but she insisted. Gulp...I'd better not knock out any windows this morning!!

I'd like to take a moment and send well wishes to both John's mom, Pauline (who is sick in the hospital) and his step-dad, Charley (who is recovering from shoulder surgery). They're two wonderful people who are ALWAYS there whenever we need them and I hope they both get better soon. We love you guys!!

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Butterflies in my stomach...

So I'm getting a little bit nervous about Saturday, maybe because I talked about it a lot today. I googled it, and the mound is 60 feet, 6 inches from the plate. Can I throw it that far? Probably not. I've gone out and practiced throwing with Johnny, but I still need lots more practice. So exactly why did I say yes to throwing out the first pitch at the River Cat's game? Heck if I know!! Okay Genie...just breathe.


Lately I've been told more so than usual that my attitude is incredible, that I am such a positive person. Whenever somebody tells me that I think back to the day I was diagnosed...dooms day. I remember calling my brother Tim and he said, "Genie, keep your chin up. Remember to believe in the power of positive thinking, you'd be amazed." And here I am, 9 months after my diagnosis and still going strong. With the recent news that my tumor has shrunk, that there's no more cancer in my liver and that they're considering surgery, I have to attribute some of that to my attitude. I really do. Of course God has the final say, but had I been negative from the start, I think we might be fighting a whole different monster. I recently spoke w/one of the Oncology nurses and she said that all the "long-term patients" have great attitudes, and that I was a definite member of that club :) I was happy to hear that.


I want to shout out to my brother Tim & sister-in-law Melynda who sat down and read my entire blog today :) Wow Melynda, really? All 82 posts? That's crazy, but thank you for your support. I love you guys. I was thrilled to hear that you'll be there on Saturday.

Today I gain STRENGTH from the love of family and friends. I even gain STRENGTH from strangers I meet along the way. Thank you for keeping me strong.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Tumor Board...

So it's been almost a week now and the patch is working pretty good...now that I'm actually wearing the patch and not just the cover :)

I emailed Dr. Hui again in regards to surgery and apparently she'd left a message on my voicemail at work. Since I didn't work at all last week, I didn't realize that she'd called. She said that after speaking with Dr. Bodai, they've decided to take my case to the "Tumor Board" to discuss whether or not I will be having surgery to remove the tumor in my breast or not. The Tumor Board meets the 4th week of the month and they've already met for June, so we'll have to wait for the July meeting in order to find out. Sheesh!!

So...here we go, about to start my 9th month of chemotherapy. I've had 24 treatments so far. I'm currently off this week, but will see Dr. Hui on 7/07 for a check-up and start treatment #25 on 7/08. Last night I went to my first Kaiser Breast Cancer Support Group, which is run by the Oncology Social Worker, however, nobody showed up other than myself :( He said that there's usually a regular group of gals (4-5 of them) and that maybe the weather kept them home...it was well over 100 degrees yesterday. Although it was just the two of us, I'm still glad that I went. I was able to find out a little bit about the group and where it's located for the next meeting. He said that he's planning on having some key speakers and key topics for the meetings which sounded very interesting. There's no meeting next week (due to the holiday), but I'm looking forward to the following week.

Today is a new day and I'm HAPPY to be alive!!

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Duh...

Okay, so I'm 43 years old and experiencing early menopause thanks to chemotherapy....yay. Although I LOVE never having another menstrual cycle, the hot flashes are killing me!! Hang in there boys, I'm done talking about the gross part. So I went to Dr. Hui a couple weeks ago and she prescribed me a patch that would help me through the hot flashes. If you've never experienced these, you're lucky. They're just how they're described....hot and in a flash. It wouldn't be so bad, but the weather lately in Sacramento has been in the mid 90's everyday + hot flashes on top of that brings me to well over 100 degrees :( at any given time throughout the day without warning, and it happens a lot.

Okay, so we go and fill the prescription and last Thursday I applied the first weekly patch. I just reached inside the box and pulled out a little packet and slapped it on my back side. Last night I was complaining to John saying that this STUPID patch wasn't working and that I couldn't stand this any longer. In a calm and soothing voice (as usual) he says for me to relax and let the medication start working, that sometimes things take a little while. I thought for sure an entire week would be enough time for this to start working. So today I pulled out the prescription and took all the contents out of the box and noticed for the first time that there were 8 packets, 4 were colorful and 4 were plain with big bold writing on them. The writing clearly reads...

Contents: 1 ADHESIVE COVER

WARNING

THIS DOES NOT CONTAIN

ACTIVE MEDICATION.

APPLY OVER THE PATCH,

IF NECESSARY.

This was what I applied to my skin and left on for an entire week!!! We got a good chuckle out of this ~ it's no wonder my stupid hot flashes weren't going away :)

I still haven't heard back from Dr. Hui in regards to surgery so I emailed her yesterday. She said that she hasn't had a moment to speak with Dr. Bodai, that either one of them would be in contact with me soon. So....I shall wait to hear back.

Peace to you all ~ Love, Genie

Appointment w/Dr. Bodai...

I feel bad that Luanne drove all the way from San Jose yesterday for a 5 minute visit with Dr. Bodai, but I'm sure glad she did. We got in there and I expected him to set up a date for my surgery, and to say that I would be stopping chemo for awhile prior, to make sure that I would be able to clot the bleeding after surgery, but it didn't go that way. He examined me and couldn't believe the difference in the size of my tumor, it's shrunk a lot!! He said that he liked what he saw and that he honestly didn't see a reason to open me up right now. He said, "why put you through the pain and disfigurement if I don't have to". I explained that I was getting the feeling that Dr. Hui wanted me to have surgery because she was afraid that the chemo would eventually stop working and that the cancer would spread. So he said it would spread everywhere, not just in the tumor, that if that happened, they would consider different chemo drugs to use or a different method of treatment. He still didn't feel comfortable with opening me up, but that since Dr. Hui is on vacation, he would speak with her on Monday and get back with me with the final word. So....this is just his opinion for right now. It's weird because I'd psyched myself out for surgery and was sort of looking forward to some of the cancer being gone, but I'm okay with this decision too, only because what surgeon ever turns down surgery? I emailed him when I got home to see what size it was now and he said that it went from the original size of 5.2 centimeters to 3.7. That's exciting :)

I will keep you all posted when I hear back on Monday.

Peace to you all ~ Love, Genie

Meeting with Dr. Bodai...

Just a couple things tonight. First, I know my blog was super long last time, but I forgot to mention that they put chocolates on our pillows two nights!! Can you believe that place? It was wonderful.

Second, I want to mention (if I haven't already) that I meet with Dr. Bodai tomorrow and I'm a bit nervous. Remember, he is the "God of breast cancer surgery" and even made the Breast Cancer Stamp ~ so I'm in good hands to say the least. I absolutely love and respect this man, so what he says is truly what I'm going to go by. The reason for my meeting is to decide if I will have a mastectomy, a double mastectomy, or no surgery at all. Luanne is driving all the way from San Jose to be there, thank you so much Luanne. She is not only my ears, (in a stressful situation like this) but also a part of my heart. I know that she would be here at every single doctor's visit and all of my chemo appointments if she could, but that's just not possible. However she's always with me in spirit :)

And lastly, if you're looking to watch a Rivercat's game on July 10th, you might see a familiar face out on the mound throwing out the first pitch. Yeah, that would be me :) Kris from Susan G. Komen called and invited me along with a couple other girls from our RAC-PAC group who walked at the Sacramento Race for the Cure, since we raised the most money and because our leader, Sonia Susac ROCKS!! She invited us to the Swing for the Cure night and so now I've got to go out and start practicing....omg!! Maybe I will take you up on that offer Sonia, she offered for her 7 year old son to give me pitching lessons....go Anthony!! As long as I get it over the plate, my family will be proud.

Peace to you all ~ Love, Genie

Camp Challenge (Me-One Foundation)...

Sorry this is so long...

What an exciting weekend! It was us four girls for the weekend (Roberta, Tanya, Jordan, and I). We drove to Petaluma, following mapquest the entire way, hoping and praying it wouldn't get us lost...and it didn't. As we entered the gates, there was a welcoming committee waving and cheering and showing us where to park the car. As we got out they took the keys, unloaded the car, and told us to go and relax. We were introduced to a "temporary" hostess who handed us a couple bags of goodies and t-shirts to go put on as she showed us to our cabin for the weekend. It was more like a dormitory, but whatever. We were in the Eucalyptus dorm. After changing into our shirts, we hurried off to the dining hall to eat dinner and meet some of the families that had just arrived. Friday night's dinner consisted of Salmon, potatoes, salad and asparagus. Afterwards there was vanilla bean ice cream cones :) We mingled around after dinner and listened to the announcements as they went over the agenda for the weekend. It was clear right from the start that you could either have a very busy weekend full of activities (canoeing, rock climbing, archery, face painting, arts & crafts, music, etc.) or you could simply relax and take a nap if you wanted to. Friday night we went over and played music with a large group of people for awhile. It was neat to see all of the different instruments and listen to the beautiful music. We then went and checked out a small improv group, but it ended up not being what we were interested in, so we moved on. At this point I think we went back to the dorms and settled down for the night. The shower situation wasn't the best if you're modest, so we showered whenever nobody was around.

Saturday was a very busy day, starting with a delicious pancake breakfast w/sausage and fresh fruit. Afterwards Jordan went to get her face painted, she chose a cute bumble bee which covered half of her face :) As I went to the spa for my facial and foot treatment, the three girls went to check out the arts & crafts. We met up afterwards and shared what a great time we all had. Since I wanted to do arts & crafts and their spa times weren't until later in the day, we went back to show me their projects that they needed to finish up and I started making things too. We ended up making picture frames, tote bags, bath salts, lavender bags, votive holders, a tie dyed shirt, and decoupage plates!! The motto was that there was no "crappy" crafts :) and they were right! After crafts I was exhausted and needed a nap (since I was coming down from chemo a couple days prior) so I went back to the dorm & Tanya and I both napped while Jordan and Roberta went to Archery. Jordan hit TWO bulls-eyes!! Can you believe that? I wish I would have been there. Apparently it wasn't a baby course either, it was the real thing. Sometime throughout the day we were given a scroll to write down our hopes, dreams, fears, beliefs, whatever we wanted. And then Saturday night after dinner was a "Scroll Ceremony". We sat around (all 35 families) in a huge outside arena and one by one each family came forward and while beautiful music was playing we would tell everyone what we wrote down on our scroll. There weren't rules, you didn't have to read yours, you didn't even have to really tell your story, but it was a nice ceremony to vent and feed off one another. It was a truly beautiful ceremony that really touched our hearts. Every family in one way or another had been affected by cancer and so it was quite moving. When you're done speaking you throw your scroll into the fire. Afterwards (actually on the way out on Sunday) they handed us a tiny vile with ashes inside. It was all the hopes and dreams and thoughts of the 2009 & 2010 scroll ceremony and when you return next year, you dump them back into the fire to be mixed in with next years. It was a very touching ceremony and I wished that John and Johnny had been there to join in. That ceremony alone made me miss my boys like crazy!! After the ceremony we went back to the dorms and as I was cleaning up our room, I accidentally kicked my suitcase which caused my nail to lift up on my big toe. There was blood everywhere! Jordan said that it looked like a crime scene! Roberta went running off to get the doctor and we stood there freaking out, watching it bleed. Dr. Hui warned me not to bleed this weekend because the Avastin that I'm on may not allow it to clot easily and I might be in trouble. Well....I bled. The doctor came and got it under control and it stopped bleeding, but my nail was hardly hanging on. I spent the rest of the weekend in a wheelchair :( It's okay though, I still had a blast. Fast forward to today, my nail is still on, I've just got to be very careful that it doesn't get infected. Apparently "loose" nails are common with Taxol (my other chemo drug).

Lastly, I need to mention our Hostess for the weekend. When we originally drove up on Friday I mentioned to the girls that I recognized one of our greeters, that she looked familiar! And then we were assigned a temporary hostess because ours didn't show up for some reason. Well...the hostess that looked familiar was reassigned to us and it ended up that I knew her from Weight Watchers!! Her name is Marianne Platt and it was great because she spent the entire weekend with us, helping us with whatever we needed. She was wonderful.

Oh, and right before we left they told us to hang on because the volunteers were washing our cars!! How awesome!!

It's good to be home, but I can't wait to go back next year. It was so nice to put aside the cancer for the weekend and truly enjoy myself with good friends and my daughter :)

Peace to you all ~ Love, Genie

Scan Results...

I met with Dr. Hui on Wednesday and like John has always described her, she was cautiously optimistic. She said that the CT Scan remained the same as last time, but that the Bone Scan showed some slight improvement in and around my spine area. Also, she couldn't find any in my liver this time, which is HUGE. Although we've been doing the chemo awhile now, I believe she knows this journey is far from over, so now is the time for more decisions to be made. She asked me to contact Dr. Bodai and meet with him about the possibility of surgery at this point. I called and left him a message, but we're apparently playing phone tag until I can get an actual appointment with him. She wants me to discuss the pros and cons as to whether or not we should remove the tumor in my breast in the near future. The problem with opening me up is that the Avastin that I'm on has serious side effects of bleeding and clotting. Should they open me up, would they be able to close up the surgery and stop the bleeding? That's the question. We would probably have to stop chemo for awhile prior to surgery and that's where my fears lay. I am very scared to stop chemo right now, for fear that the cancer will spread in the process. This could ultimately be a life or death decision on down the road, and so meeting with Dr. Bodai (whom I have complete faith in) is our next step. Why mess with a good thing? Why can't we just remain on chemo for awhile and since the tumor isn't growing, why can't we just leave it alone? I've asked these questions to Dr. Hui and she just doesn't want the tumor to all of a sudden stop reacting to the chemo and spread. She said that sometimes there aren't warnings and it happens like that. It'll be a hard decision to make, but that's what my faith is for. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and that with the help of my family, friends and the lord, I will ultimately make the right decision and everything will work out. Please continue to pray for me.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Me-One Foundation...

The other night I got a call from my friend Sonia telling me to hurry up and contact the Me-One Foundation, that there's an opportunity for me and my family/friends to spend a couple days in the wine country (Petaluma to be exact), all expenses paid! Of course I'm learning not to argue with Sonia (she's a lot like Luanne...and if you know Luanne, you don't argue). So I called the Me-One Foundation and left a message telling them that I was interested in some type of program that I'd heard about and that Sonia told me to tell them that Tina referred me. Tina is a mutual friend of ours who has quite the connections within the community. Tina is an inspiration and the person behind me opening up and meeting such wonderful women :) Thank you Tina. So I did as I was told and left the message on their machine. A couple hours later I got a call and was told that all we had to do was fill out an application (which was 11 pages total) and fax it over. However, on the application, it stated that it would be reviewed by a Selection Committee and if we qualified, they would consider us for the opportunity. At this point I wasn't quite sure what this was all about, but I went on-line and read about it. You can too, if you're interested. It actually stands for "Cancer-Zero, Me-One" and it's an absolutely wonderful program. Just like they said, it's an all expense paid weekend (from June 11-13) of pampering and relaxation for the entire family. Again, cancer doesn't affect just the patient, but the entire family. From facials, massages, hand & feet treatments, to sitting around at a campfire toasting marshmallows, it's going to be a blast. They even go as far as taking your luggage and putting it in your little cabin while you enjoy the festivities. Then, when the weekend is coming to an end, they'll load up the car again. I was thrilled that we had a last minute opportunity to get in on this, but it still had to go to the Selection Committee, so I was worried that we wouldn't go after all. So, I went to work the next day and faxed off my application hoping that somehow we'd make it. In the meantime, I emailed the founder of Me-One and she said not to worry, that we're "special guests" and that the committee doesn't even need to look over our application, that we qualify!! Yippee!! So the final approval had to come from Dr. Hui and yesterday I found out that she approved the weekend...thank you Dr. Hui!! There will be Oncology Nurses and an ER Doctor staying at the resort along with us, just in case. I'm so excited :) I was hoping that I'd have my family with me, but unfortunately John has to work and it's just not Johnny's "thing", so he declined. It's ending up being me, Jordan, my friend Roberta and her daughter Tanya. It's going to be lots of fun :) Maybe next year with more planning, I can have the entire family come, I know that John could use some relaxation, that's for sure.

Here's to some peace and quiet!! Yay for a relaxing weekend with the girls :)

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Bone Scan...

Yippee...it's done!! I tried to not freak myself out too much, but knowing that I've had two of these before, I was not very excited about going in for the Bone Scan this morning. I knew what to expect and so trying to put it out of my mind was the biggest challenge. I got there at 7:30 for my injection and the Technician was extremely patient, going over the entire procedure with me to refresh my memory. He wasn't sure if he would be doing my scan or not, but he wished me well afterwards. When I got home I was instructed by Dr. Hui to take 2 Valium + 2 Hydrocodone (for the pain) to prepare for the scan. Other than that, all I had to do was drink 2-3 glasses of water and return at 10:30. Well, 10:30 came sooner than I expected and we were already back at Kaiser. I was excited to see that the same Technician was going to be doing my scan and that already put me at ease a little bit. He was so thorough in going over everything that it truly got rid of a lot of my anxiety. He even put a total of 5 pillows underneath my knees, head and back to make it more comfortable. Between the medication and saying a few prayers, I managed to get through it without any problem at all :) I am so happy that it's done. I should know the results from both scans when I see Dr. Hui on Wednesday.

I have said from the start that I believe in the power of positive thinking. Well, I've also started to really believe in the power of prayer too. I know that there are many people out there praying for me and I want to thank you all SO very much, it helped me this morning and I continue to gain strength from it...please don't stop.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

CT Scan...

This morning was my CT Scan and I'm so glad it's over with! I go on Friday for a Bone Scan, which is probably worse overall (since the scan is very long and I'm extremely claustrophobic), but there's absolutely no prep ahead of time like there was this morning. I've had allergic reactions from the contrast dye, so this time there was a lot more prep. I thought I would share with you what I had to do to prepare for this dang scan this morning...

Tuesday, 8:30 p.m. - took 1 Prednisone
Wednesday, 2:30 a.m. (yes, in the middle of the night) - took 1 Prednisone
*Mix Cat Dry Mix w/30 oz. water and place in refrigerator
Wednesday, 7:30 - drink (but really CHOKE DOWN 10 oz. of the Cat Dry mix)
Wednesday, 8:30 - drink 10 oz. of Cat Dry mix + 1 Prednisone + 1 Bendadryl + 1.5 Tagamet
Wednesday, 9:00 - drink last 10 oz. of Cat Dry mix + 2 Valium + 2 Hydrocodone for pain
Wednesday 9:00 - Drive to Kaiser, have contrast dye injection + scan

Thank goodness it's all over. There's no real way for me to describe the Cat Dry Mix other than it's so disgusting that I literally had to choke every ounce down and hope that I got enough in me for a successful scan. I spit up about 1/2 ounce all over the kitchen :( I sure hope this scan shows good results and that Dr. Hui is pleased with all of the treatment we've been going through for the past 7 months. Now it's time to focus on the Bone Scan. Let's just think positive thoughts and lots of prayers. This coming scan is very hard for me because I have to lay very still on my back (which is where a lot of the cancer is located). It's painful. Hopefully I can calm down and know that everyone is praying for me.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

My John...

I'm a lucky girl to have the family that I do. I especially want to show my gratitude towards my husband today. If it weren't for John, I honestly don't know how I would manage. Ever since we started dating, everyone called me spoiled, said that John did all the work around the house and that I should be grateful for what I had. I really had NO idea how true that statement was until now. On a regular basis, John does our laundry and most of the cooking. How lucky am I?! Of course I do the cooking when he's working late (which is about 2-3 nights a week) and I finish up the other cleaning around the house, so we work together as a team. However...I can't imagine if he didn't do the things that he does....it would be awful. First of all, the laundry might get done when I awoke from my sleep induced coma, and as for dinner, poor kids would probably have fast-food most of the time. I've been grateful that John came along from the start and I've always appreciated the work that he's put in, but now that I'm sick, gosh how much more that has multiplied. I don't know how others can manage when they're going through what I am. I'm truly blessed to have John. I want to thank Pauline (my mother-in-law) for doing such a wonderful job of raising John, he's one in a million.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Shhhhh....

It's 1:53 a.m. as I start this post, can't sleep. Dang Decadron (steroid) that they gave me today has got me so wired I've been tossing and turning for hours. I've got to be quiet not to wake the rest of the household for then Sammy will start barking and all hell will break loose. Don't want that.

Today Johnny went to chemo with me. I always feel bad that it's so boring, but he knew what he was getting himself into and I think it makes him feel good to spend that time with me. He brought a movie and we sat and watched it together. I dosed off a little bit as he finished it up, but he didn't seem to mind.

When we first got to chemo there was a cute little card and necklace waiting for me from Sonia who couldn't make it today. She had a dog-tag made for me with a pink ribbon on the front and it says "Faith", along with beads and some engraving on the back. The back reads..."Genie - Believe in Him...and remember your strength. Love, ♥ Sonia" I was so excited, it's the perfect gift, very personal. What a great friend she is. Thank you Sonia.

Well, I think I'm going to try and do some very quiet housework, that should definitely make me want to go to sleep! haha :)

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Schedule...

My finger is looking much better, I'm still on the antibiotic, but the nurse assessed it and Dr. Hui gave me the okay to have chemo today.

I've had people wonder what my schedule is like and since it's so crazy, I thought I'd post it:

Today, Friday, 5/14 * 9:00 - 2:00 (5 hours) - start of cycle # 7, 19th chemo
Friday, 5/21 * 2:00 - 4:00/4:30 (2+ hours)
Friday, 5/28 * 2:30 - 5:00/5:30 (2.5+ hours)
~~~~
Wednesday, 6/02 * 9:30 (CT Scan)
Friday, 6/04 * 10:30 (Bone Scan) - NO Chemo this week
~~~~
Thursday, 6/10 * 9:00 (visit with Dr. Hui)
Friday, 6/11 * 9:00 - 2:00/2:30 (5+ hours) - start of cycle # 8, 22nd chemo

At this point they will give me the next schedule.

The other day at the walk, somebody approached me and handed me a "Pink Prayer Book" and said that I could probably use it. I've read from it a couple of times and would like to share a prayer from a survivor:

No reason to worry, I keep telling myself. Cancer is something that happens to other people. But within twenty-four hours of a simple biopsy, my life lies shattered before me as I struggle with the positive results. With every fiber of my being, I am fearful, desperate. I try to remember everything I have ever heard about chemotherapy and radiation, and I question whether I am strong enough to keep fighting. To keep fighting when my hair falls out. To keep fighting when I am nauseated from the drugs. In my heart, O God, I know I can do this only with your help, that cancer will be just a steppingstone along my journey's path and not a boulder blocking my way. That with the help of family, friends, and faith, I will continue to put my trust in God's plan and take one day at a time.

Hear my plea, O God, I pray.
Guide my steps along the way.

My faith in you will calm my fear
Yours is the voice I long to hear.

Lift the darkness and shine your light
Give me strength to finish the fight. - Therese Swarts Iverson, Survivor

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Catching Up...

Boy, a lot has been going on lately and I need to catch you up to speed. First of all, my antibiotics have been working and my finger is doing much better. My chemo is back on track for this Friday after having to postpone it last week because of the infection.

I mentioned that Jordan and I worked the door at the fundraiser the other day @ Ettore's, well, I didn't know at the time how much money was brought in that night for our team. Drum role please....$9,500.00!! Can you believe that? With all the donations and fundraisers put together, we're closing in on $30,000.00 earned for Susan G. Komen and the fight against breast cancer!! And that's just our team alone! Thank you to everyone who donated, it really does make a difference and now more than ever before, I TRULY appreciate it. Sonia Susac ~ thank you for being such a great team leader and friend, you alone make a world of difference.

We walked this past weekend at the "14th Annual Komen Sacramento Race for the Cure" at Cal Expo, along with I think it was 22,000 people (give or take a few). John, Monica, Jordan and I all took the shorter approach and walked 1 mile. We didn't exactly follow the crowd, so I'm assuming it was approximately a mile that we walked. At any rate, it was overwhelming to say the least. Just the feeling you get when you look into a sea of pink shirts & hats, and know that they're there for you, is just incredible. I only saw a few women who looked as though they were undergoing treatment (like myself), it was mainly women who had already won this battle, or so it seemed. That alone was inspiring to me. Whenever I feel down, I just think of all the women (and men) who have fought like hell and beat this demon called cancer. I am looking forward to coming out a winner.

And the last thing I want to mention is that tonight there was a final fundraiser for our group and it was at The Old Spaghetti Factory in my honor. My awesome team leader, Sonia, arranged it with OSF, made some flyers, passed them out to many people and whomever came in with the flyer between certain business hours donated 15% of their total bill to our team (in my name). Jordan and I went and had dinner, while we mingled with the guests who came to support our cause. John was already working, so he stopped by occasionally. Johnny decided to stay at home and do homework, but he was with us in spirit. I hope it ends up being worth everyone's time and energy. I appreciate all the work that was involved :)

Today I want to mention the power of PRAYER. Thank you to everyone who keeps me in their thoughts and PRAYERS. It is all of you who keep me strong and focused. Without you, I wouldn't be as strong. There is no I in "team" and together I think we make a pretty powerful one. Thank you for all of your support over the past 8 months.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Update to Side Effects...

Well, Dr. Hui says my finger is badly infected and it's not a side effect from chemo. How did it get infected? I'm thinking it was the manicure and that somehow one of her tools that she used must have caused the infection. That, or she filed my nails and perhaps that's how the bacteria spread. Who knows. All I know is that it's very difficult to type right now and so this blog will be short. Dr. Hui put me on some heavy duty antibiotic (Clindamycin) and also prescribed Culturelle so that the medication won't destroy my intestines while killing the infection. Yahoo. This has caused my chemotherapy to be postponed until next week, which is a bummer because I don't like to delay anything that is killing my cancer. However, due to the fact that the race is on Saturday, it might be a blessing in disguise. I will actually get a good night's sleep and I know I'll feel good this weekend.

Let's think HEALING THOUGHTS together in hopes that not only will my finger get better, but at the same time...heck, let's heal me from cancer!!

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Side Effects...

They've warned me of many side effects from the chemo, but this one is weird. A couple weeks ago I treated myself to a manicure. No clipping, no filing, just a basic polish. I noticed a couple days ago that the ring finger on my left hand was sore, tingly, and looking weird so I removed all the polish on Tuesday. What I found underneath was small black dots on my other fingers (which I was warned about) and on my ring finger, it was almost purple. Now (a couple days later) it's very swollen and it's purple and white. Very strange looking, as if I've had some type of trauma to my finger. Unless somebody took a hammer to it in my sleep, I don't recall anything happening to it. However, I go to see Dr. Hui at 9:30 this morning and hopefully she'll be able to help me with this one. I hope I don't get a shot :(

Today is about PERSEVERANCE. I will fight this cancer head on without looking back. Maybe there are side effects, so what! We'll deal with them as they come. Bring 'em on!

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Love...♥

Sure enough, Saturday came and Jordan & I worked the door at Ettore's for the fundraiser. It was SO much fun to get out of the house and actually work. If you recall, I met John when we were working in the restaurant together, so it's in my blood. Of all the jobs that I've ever had, I've got to say working in a restaurant has got to be my all time favorite. There's something about working with the public and truly making that personal connection with somebody, that I miss the most. Jordan and I worked from 3:00 - 7:00 and had a blast. It wasn't until the next day did my body start to ache. My feet hurt so bad that I was walking like an old woman, barely able to put pressure on them :( I've got to remember that although my mind is feeling good, my body can hardly keep up these days. I'm kind of nervous about the walk this coming Saturday, but I know that adrenaline will keep me going. All I have to walk is 1 mile (unlike most people who are walking the 5K). I'll just have to stay in bed on Mother's Day to recuperate.

Thank you for all who voted for me for the Honorary Bat Girl Contest through Major League Baseball. They announced the winners today and my name was not among those who won. However, there's always next year :) We'll start working on our story and have it top-notch by the time we need to submit it.

Today I want to think about LOVE. Ever since being diagnosed, people have come out of the woodwork to show their support to me. It's amazing. I truly never thought I was LOVED that much, nor did I believe I could LOVE as much as I do now. I not only LOVE my family today, but I've grown to LOVE more and more friends, doctors, nurses, people I've come in contact, etc. It's a LOVE-fest :)

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Another Bad Day...

How could today be worse than yesterday? It is. Another attempt at going into work, but that was soon overturned. I don't know why all of a sudden I'm vomiting more than ever before. I've been undergoing chemotherapy for 6 months now and never had such a bad week. Even the anti-nausea pills are not working the way they used to :( I had jello and 7-up for lunch, at least that stayed down.

I really hope I feel better by this weekend. There's a huge fundraiser that Jordan and I are supposed to work and it would really be a bummer if I couldn't. My friend Sonia is the leader of our RAC-PAC group that is running and/or walking for the 2010 Komen Sacramento Race for the Cure on 5/08. Well, this Saturday, 5/01 is a fundraiser for our group and it's at Ettore's European Restaurant & Bakery, 2376 Fair Oaks Blvd., Sacramento from 11am-10pm. The fundraiser is called "I've Gotta Beef with Cancer", and Jordan & I will work the door for a couple hours at this event. If you're in the area....maybe you could stop by and say hello!!

Today I choose to BELIEVE that everything will work out and that we'll make it to the event. I also choose to BELIEVE that tomorrow will be a better day :)

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Under the Weather...

I tend to not write when I'm feeling under the weather. However, I realized that it's been a week and people probably wonder if everything is okay. Maybe they should know that it's not always good news coming from this neck of the woods. Maybe I should paint a real picture of what it's like for me. Okay...here goes.

This morning I was planning on working. I woke up at 5:30 when our dog, Sammy, decided she wanted out of her crate. I slept on the couch last night because John's snoring was a bit too much for me. I tossed and turned most of the night, trying to get comfortable. When Sammy wakes up she's wild and crazy to say the least. She's a 1-year-old black lab. After she chased the cats, she ran over to eat and it was time for me to sit at the computer and wake up. I could hear the shower as John started his day. As soon as I started checking the email, my stomach started to moan. Oh no, I'm almost out of anti-nausea medication. I have one left, so I take it. It might be too late, my stomach is starting to really hurt. I get off the computer and walk into the living room after grabbing a large bowl (just in case). As I sat on the couch yelling for Johnny to wake up for school, my stomach turned over again and again. I couldn't hold back and vomited for the next 1/2 hour or so. I guess I wasn't going into work. Johnny told me later on that that's got to be the grossest sound ever to wake up to :(

I proceeded to crawl back into bed after I called work. John took the kids to school and kissed me goodbye. I slept on-and-off the rest of the afternoon. I never got out of my pajamas. Paula brought over dinner and Johnny helped with putting it together tonight. I slept right through dinner. I'm awake now and just finished up a plate, hoping to keep it down.

Tomorrow is a new day :) I'm hoping for the best.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

2010 Survivor Reception...

Last night I attended a Susan G. Komen for the Cure Sacramento Valley 2010 Survivor Reception at the Citizen's Hotel in downtown Sacramento. My sister-in-law Monica joined me as my guest for the evening. It was really fun to see Sonia, Tina and another couple gals that I'd met through the different fundraisers for breast cancer awareness. We had a wonderful dinner, played a game of "Komen Idol", and even had our pictures taken in the photo booth.

Although this is a great group of women (and men) to be associated with, you never really ask to be in the "cancer club", you just become an honorary member when you're diagnosed. So, although I had a great time and I continue to appreciate all the love and support from my new group of friends, it still chokes me up when I walk into the room. My thinking is...why? Why do all of these women (and men) have cancer? Why haven't we found a cure? And will we ever? And then there's always the.....why me? Someday I hope to have answers to those questions.

"People are always telling me that
change is good. But all that means is
that something you didn't want to
happen has happened." - Meg Ryan (in support of her mother, Susan Ryan Jordan)


Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Friends in Town...

Our friends Dave & Brenda came to visit w/their two young children, Sierra and Noah. They came yesterday afternoon and stayed in a hotel, but we were able to meet up by dinner time and go to John's restaurant for a delicious meal. Afterwards we went back to our house for a nice visit. This morning after breakfast we decided to take them to Old Sacramento where we watched a mock "shoot out" and walked the streets for awhile, checking out some of the shops along the way. What a fun day, it was beautiful weather and we got to spend it with good friends. By the time we pulled back into the driveway I could hardly keep my eyes open :( Although it was fun to adventure out today, it was a quick reality check after a couple hours and my body reminded me to take it easy. I'm still very tired after my four hour nap and will be heading back to bed soon, but it was well worth the visit.

"Nothing is stronger than strength of spirit.
The body may falter, but inside, unchanging,
a spirit brilliant with strength and resilience
shines on. And on. And on." - The Spirit of Hope

Today my spirit shines on and on. Although my body sometimes cannot catch up, my spirit shines on.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie