I have a tendency to either sleep a lot or just lose contact when things aren't going so good. Well, last week I had an appointment with Dr. Hui and she explained to me that my tumor marker was showing that my cancer counts are going up, and that they've been slightly elevated since May. WHAT?! All I heard from that was cancer and going up. After she explained to me again, I started to understand. Apparently, after doing a study on Avastin (my main chemo drug), they realized that they didn't need to use such a high dose on cancer patients and so they lower my dosage a little while back. Well, after we talked, Dr. Hui decided to bring my dosage back up for this cycle and she would keep an eye on my cancer counts. If nothing changes, then we're going to switch chemo drugs and I will be on a new cocktail. I'm not good with change :( All I could think of was the fact that for the past 11 months I've gotten accustomed to this particular routine and quite frankly, I didn't want anything to change. I imagine that with new chemo, comes those lovely side affects, and that I will probably lose my hair again :( I currently have a short VERY curly hairdo that I will surely miss if it falls out again. Yes, it's just hair....but still, again?! So this is why I hibernated for a few days and didn't tell anyone. I figured that if nobody knew, it would go away, right?! Nope, still there. One of these days I will learn that ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away.
Today I go to chemo and Johnny is going to be accompanying me since Monica isn't able to make it. It's chemo #32 for the year. It's sure sweet of my kids to come along whenever I don't have anyone, I'm sure it's a thrill a minute for them! haha :)
Today I need to focus on ACCEPTANCE. I need to accept the things I cannot change. And as the Serenity Prayers states, "the courage to change the things I can".
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
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