My scan was rescheduled from today until Tuesday. Only problem, is now I'm having both a Bone Scan and a CT Scan that day. Most people can handle this without much difficulty, but I'm not like most people and I suffer from EXTREME claustrophobia. I'm also worried about my pain levels laying on that flat surface for so long. So, they've prepared me with all the right drugs and assured me that I would be okay taking Valium on top of my pain meds in order to get through this torture :( I honestly can't stand scans and I white-knuckle it the entire time, but I know how necessary they are. So please everyone, think positive thoughts in my direction that morning and hopefully I'll get through it okay.
My arm is gradually getting better and I haven't had to take Percocet...yay! I sure hope the Zometa treatment doesn't cause me pain like that each month :(
Lastly, I want to thank my brother Tim and his wife Melynda for having us over for dinner the other night, it was wonderful, couldn't have been any better. Well, maybe if the night were just longer so that we could have chatted some more, that would have been nice. I love you guys (Tim, Melynda, Tyler, Nick, and Hannah) thanks again.
Peace to you all ~ Love, Genie
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Friday, May 27, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Good News and Bad News...
First the good news...
I went to see my new surgeon, Dr. Jay Owens, and he was actually having trouble finding the tumor in my breast, so he pulled out his ultrasound and told me that since all he could see was scar tissue, there sure didn't seem to be any reason for surgery! WHAT?! Did I just hear him right? No tumor? Does he realize what huge news this is?! OMG! Going from 5.2 centimeters to nothing? I might have actually seen him write down 1 cm, but it was upside down, so I'm not sure. Still, awesome news. I guess that year and a half of chemo has paid off :) Now we need to work on the rest of the cancer!
Now the bad news...
I went for that Zometa treatment on Sunday and that night I started to experience pain in my left arm, severe pain. Dr. Rohatgi had instructed me that if I had break-throughs in pain (now that I'm on the Fentanyl pain patch), to go ahead and take some Percocet. Well, the pain was at a level of 9-10 most of the time, so I was taking Percocet every 4-6 hours round the clock! It still didn't completely mask the pain, every time I even moved my arm I would get excruciating pain running down it. What the heck? Of course I'm scared because the last time I was experiencing pain out of the blue, the cancer had spread to my hips and pelvis. Well, I have scans scheduled for this Friday and also Tuesday, which can probably answer my questions. I did, by the way, email Dr. Rohatgi last night when it was still extremely bad and he had no real ideas as to why it was only in my left arm. I didn't want to put words in his mouth and ask if he thinks it's spread, so I just left well enough alone. Since his email, my pain has decreased a bit and I only took Percocet this morning. Either the stupid patch is finally working, or it was related to the Zometa treatment and it's wearing off. At any rate, my arm is still very stiff and I can hardly lift it. I hope I don't end up with a bum leg AND a bum arm, that would suck :( my pain level right now is at about a 6-7, which is tolerable.
Peace to you all ~ Love, Genie
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
I went to see my new surgeon, Dr. Jay Owens, and he was actually having trouble finding the tumor in my breast, so he pulled out his ultrasound and told me that since all he could see was scar tissue, there sure didn't seem to be any reason for surgery! WHAT?! Did I just hear him right? No tumor? Does he realize what huge news this is?! OMG! Going from 5.2 centimeters to nothing? I might have actually seen him write down 1 cm, but it was upside down, so I'm not sure. Still, awesome news. I guess that year and a half of chemo has paid off :) Now we need to work on the rest of the cancer!
Now the bad news...
I went for that Zometa treatment on Sunday and that night I started to experience pain in my left arm, severe pain. Dr. Rohatgi had instructed me that if I had break-throughs in pain (now that I'm on the Fentanyl pain patch), to go ahead and take some Percocet. Well, the pain was at a level of 9-10 most of the time, so I was taking Percocet every 4-6 hours round the clock! It still didn't completely mask the pain, every time I even moved my arm I would get excruciating pain running down it. What the heck? Of course I'm scared because the last time I was experiencing pain out of the blue, the cancer had spread to my hips and pelvis. Well, I have scans scheduled for this Friday and also Tuesday, which can probably answer my questions. I did, by the way, email Dr. Rohatgi last night when it was still extremely bad and he had no real ideas as to why it was only in my left arm. I didn't want to put words in his mouth and ask if he thinks it's spread, so I just left well enough alone. Since his email, my pain has decreased a bit and I only took Percocet this morning. Either the stupid patch is finally working, or it was related to the Zometa treatment and it's wearing off. At any rate, my arm is still very stiff and I can hardly lift it. I hope I don't end up with a bum leg AND a bum arm, that would suck :( my pain level right now is at about a 6-7, which is tolerable.
Peace to you all ~ Love, Genie
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Tuesday, May 24, 2011
GLEE Concert...
Well, last night was the GLEE concert and boy was it a blast. It goes to show that you don't have to be a teenage girl to enjoy a show like that because I had such an awesome time, and so did everyone in our group. The evening started with our friends (Trish, Mary, Sonia, and Sophia) meeting us for dinner, where we giggled like school girls the entire time, barely picking at our food because we were so excited. Then, we had to hurry and meet back at my house because my brother Jeff had surprised Jordan with a nice, shiny limo sitting out front! I asked our friends if they wanted to accompany us since we had it all to ourselves, so they gladly joined in on the fun. Our driver, Corbin, was such a sweetie, making the night even that much more memorable.
We arrived at the Power Balance Pavilion (aka Arco Arena), at about 6:45 and we were swiftly taken by one of the attendants to our seats. What I haven't mentioned, is the fact that I used Sonia's mom's wheelchair again (which saved the day) and the attendants were bending over backwards to accommodate us. We first thought our seats were down on the ground (which would have been Bad Ass), but we still ended up in awesome seats one level up, still close enough to see everything. Sonia and Sophia sat separately and ended up in seats right next to a smaller stage that was used throughout the show, and man did they luck out! Directly in front of us, however, were these SUPER grumpy old people who were about to get punched in the face if they turned around one more time and gave Jordan and Mary dirty looks for screaming. I mean, give me a break, we were at a frigging concert for goodness sakes, what did they expect?! I was literally going to go "postal" on them if they bothered us once more. UGH! Other than that, we had a terrific time. The girls had looked forward to this for so long, we were't about to rain on their parade. They could scream all they wanted to, we weren't about to stop them. Of course they probably don't have voices today, but still :)
The concert went almost 2 hours in length and was a fabulous show, including indoor fireworks, smoke machines, etc. It was truly a night that we'll never forget and I feel so blessed to have been able to spend this special time with Jordan. I love you to pieces sweetheart <3
Peace to you all ~ Love, Genie
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
We arrived at the Power Balance Pavilion (aka Arco Arena), at about 6:45 and we were swiftly taken by one of the attendants to our seats. What I haven't mentioned, is the fact that I used Sonia's mom's wheelchair again (which saved the day) and the attendants were bending over backwards to accommodate us. We first thought our seats were down on the ground (which would have been Bad Ass), but we still ended up in awesome seats one level up, still close enough to see everything. Sonia and Sophia sat separately and ended up in seats right next to a smaller stage that was used throughout the show, and man did they luck out! Directly in front of us, however, were these SUPER grumpy old people who were about to get punched in the face if they turned around one more time and gave Jordan and Mary dirty looks for screaming. I mean, give me a break, we were at a frigging concert for goodness sakes, what did they expect?! I was literally going to go "postal" on them if they bothered us once more. UGH! Other than that, we had a terrific time. The girls had looked forward to this for so long, we were't about to rain on their parade. They could scream all they wanted to, we weren't about to stop them. Of course they probably don't have voices today, but still :)
The concert went almost 2 hours in length and was a fabulous show, including indoor fireworks, smoke machines, etc. It was truly a night that we'll never forget and I feel so blessed to have been able to spend this special time with Jordan. I love you to pieces sweetheart <3
Peace to you all ~ Love, Genie
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Monday, May 23, 2011
Blogging From the Chair...
Yesterday I was SO excited that I could post my blog from the infusion room, but then something happened to the app and for some reason it wouldn't send. I tried many times, but it wouldn't go. So, instead of just trashing that post, I'm going to retype it and send it from my computer. So here it goes...
I'm sitting here with Jordan at Sutter, having a Zometa treatment for my bones. It'll take about an hour (since my skin is extra sensitive). The nurses are SO nice, not grouchy like at some other hospital I used to go to...hint, hint. I can have as many visitors as I want (so listen up Monica, Sonia, Allison, Teresa, and Roberta), they won't even yell at us! They even have good snacks AND chocolate milk! I'm so excited, it's like a party here :) I almost can't wait to go back on chemo so that I can check out the "personal" tv that they have for each patient! What?! Because my treatment is so short and I only come once a month for this, it's almost not worth checking out the tv. However, I might just have to take a sneak peek next month. It's the country club of hospitals, I'm loving Sutter!
Jordan is spazzing out right now because she heard that the cast of GLEE is staying at a hotel that is two blocks over. She keeps looking out the window, as if she's going to see one of them just strolling by. What a dork.
I'm stoked that I can actually blog from my seat! Thanks again Jeff.
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
I'm sitting here with Jordan at Sutter, having a Zometa treatment for my bones. It'll take about an hour (since my skin is extra sensitive). The nurses are SO nice, not grouchy like at some other hospital I used to go to...hint, hint. I can have as many visitors as I want (so listen up Monica, Sonia, Allison, Teresa, and Roberta), they won't even yell at us! They even have good snacks AND chocolate milk! I'm so excited, it's like a party here :) I almost can't wait to go back on chemo so that I can check out the "personal" tv that they have for each patient! What?! Because my treatment is so short and I only come once a month for this, it's almost not worth checking out the tv. However, I might just have to take a sneak peek next month. It's the country club of hospitals, I'm loving Sutter!
Jordan is spazzing out right now because she heard that the cast of GLEE is staying at a hotel that is two blocks over. She keeps looking out the window, as if she's going to see one of them just strolling by. What a dork.
I'm stoked that I can actually blog from my seat! Thanks again Jeff.
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
Thursday, May 19, 2011
New Plan of Attack...
Today I went to my first Oncology appointment with Dr. Nitin Rohatgi and it went really well. I felt totally comfortable with him and he spent a great deal of time with me going over my history of breast cancer. He actually walked in with a stack of papers (about 5" high) and explained that those were my records! Holy cow! I brought him a disk a few days ago, but I guess he needed to print them out. After discussing a few things with me, he asked why I'd never tried hormone blockers and I didn't know why. Basically, it was because Dr. Hui never really discussed it with me. He explained to me that my cancer is estrogen based and that it thrives on estrogen, and suggested that we give myself a rest from chemotherapy (since I've been doing it for a year and a half). He (we) decided to give estrogen-blockers (Tamoxifen) a try, which comes in pill form. Although I was totally hesitant, he told me the pros and cons of switching over. The pros...my hair will grow back, my nausea will stop, I won't feel horrible for days, I won't have to go in for infusions. The cons...because I won't be on chemotherapy, my period will likely return (yuck!), I'll have more pills to take. But hey, it sounds like a fresh new start. Because I'm new to Sutter, I will be scheduled for scans soon so that they can evaluate my status. Dr. Rohatgi also prescribed me a pain patch so that I won't have to wake up every night and take more meds because they've worn off, so that's exciting. So, overall, I LOVE my new Oncologist and everything is working out after all. It's good to have FAITH :)
P.S. Roberta, I'm so sorry I went w/out you, but they called and scheduled me last minute. I would LOVE for you to accompany me to another appointment soon. I'll call you.
Peace to you all ~ Love, Genie
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P.S. Roberta, I'm so sorry I went w/out you, but they called and scheduled me last minute. I would LOVE for you to accompany me to another appointment soon. I'll call you.
Peace to you all ~ Love, Genie
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
In Limbo...
To give you an update about Sutter so far, here goes...
I've already had an appointment with my Primary Care Physician (PCP) and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE her. Dr. Dana Hawkins is her name and she spent over an hour with me last week. She went over my entire history and by the time I left, I felt like we were old pals. I brought in a list of Oncologists and Surgeons that Sonia said were top of the line. Sonia knows many people in Sutter and wanted to make my transition as smooth as possible. Thank you Sonia. Anyway, Dr. Hawkins said that if she were to make a list herself, she would have made the same list! She was very impressed, and although it was hard for her to choose, she put in referrals based on her gut instincts. My surgeon, Dr. Jay Owens, has already made me an appointment on Monday, 5/23, but don't worry Sonia, it won't interfere with the GLEE concert because it's in the morning. However, my Oncologist, Dr. Niti Rohatgi's office is driving me nuts. First they won't make me an appointment until my records are transferred over. To expedite matters, I personally walked my records over to their office on Monday. I called yesterday and again this morning to speak with somebody about making me an appointment for chemo and they've given me the run around. If I were to continue on with Kaiser, I would be receiving chemo this Friday. I would like to stay on my schedule. I NEED to stay on my schedule. It doesn't seem to be of importance to this office, at least that's how I'm feeling at the moment and it's driving me crazy. It's as though nobody is listening. I sure hope it gets better. Right now I'm missing Dr. Hui :( I need a dose of my own advise and sure enough as I was typing this, John walked in and told me to listen to my own words, that it's going to be alright. That everything will work itself out, not to worry. It sure is hard sometimes to just sit back and have FAITH, and that's what I need to do.
Thanks for listening.
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
I've already had an appointment with my Primary Care Physician (PCP) and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE her. Dr. Dana Hawkins is her name and she spent over an hour with me last week. She went over my entire history and by the time I left, I felt like we were old pals. I brought in a list of Oncologists and Surgeons that Sonia said were top of the line. Sonia knows many people in Sutter and wanted to make my transition as smooth as possible. Thank you Sonia. Anyway, Dr. Hawkins said that if she were to make a list herself, she would have made the same list! She was very impressed, and although it was hard for her to choose, she put in referrals based on her gut instincts. My surgeon, Dr. Jay Owens, has already made me an appointment on Monday, 5/23, but don't worry Sonia, it won't interfere with the GLEE concert because it's in the morning. However, my Oncologist, Dr. Niti Rohatgi's office is driving me nuts. First they won't make me an appointment until my records are transferred over. To expedite matters, I personally walked my records over to their office on Monday. I called yesterday and again this morning to speak with somebody about making me an appointment for chemo and they've given me the run around. If I were to continue on with Kaiser, I would be receiving chemo this Friday. I would like to stay on my schedule. I NEED to stay on my schedule. It doesn't seem to be of importance to this office, at least that's how I'm feeling at the moment and it's driving me crazy. It's as though nobody is listening. I sure hope it gets better. Right now I'm missing Dr. Hui :( I need a dose of my own advise and sure enough as I was typing this, John walked in and told me to listen to my own words, that it's going to be alright. That everything will work itself out, not to worry. It sure is hard sometimes to just sit back and have FAITH, and that's what I need to do.
Thanks for listening.
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Visit w/my Cousin...
Yesterday I made the long drive to Benicia to visit with my cousin Linda and her family. I say long, but it's just because I'm a wimp. It's actually only about 1hour and 20 minutes, but I'm used to being the passenger and not the driver. Since John works on Saturdays and I really wanted to go see Linda, I went alone. I got there a little after 11:00 and planned to stay until 3:00 so that I would be home in time for Johnny to take the car to work. Well, we were having such a nice visit that before we knew it it was already after 1:00 and we'd hardly scratched the surface. So, I called home and after my MARVELOUS son and husband worked it out, they told me to stay and visit as long as I wanted to, as long as I was able to pick John up from work by 11:00 (in Elk Grove). So I did :) I actually stayed until almost 8:00! By the time I got home, poor Jordan was starved. She's such a good girl though, she was just happy that I'd had a good time.
One of the main reasons for my visit was to share my reading with Linda. Since I couldn't figure out how to turn up the volume on my new digital recorder, I told her that it probably wouldn't work listening over the phone. So, I mentioned the volume problem the moment I arrived and her (smarter-than-the-average-bear) daughter, Rachel, asked to look at it and within a second hands it back to me and shows me the button to turn up the volume. Little booger! I cracked up. We proceed to listen to the recording and it was great to bounce things off of Linda because she saw some of the things George said a little differently than I did, and it made more sense. She also was able to help me with some of the names that he mentioned which I didn't recognize.
Then, we had a delicious dinner of BBQ ribs, corn on the cob, and potato salad. YUM!! Afterwards, we relaxed in the living room and watched the Giant's game. It couldn't get any better than this! I love being able to talk baseball w/Mondo (Linda's husband), he loves the game - and especially the Giants, about as much as we do :) Then there's Gabby (Linda's oldest daughter) whom I haven't mentioned yet. What a beauty! She was apparently going to sing something to me before I left, but I guess it was forgotten about. I will definitely have to hear it another day, from what I understand, she has an incredible voice.
Well, as you can see, I thoroughly enjoyed myself and can't wait to return for another visit. But next time, John is driving. I'm pooped today because of it, but it was well worth it. Love ya cousin!
Peace to you all ~ Love, Genie
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One of the main reasons for my visit was to share my reading with Linda. Since I couldn't figure out how to turn up the volume on my new digital recorder, I told her that it probably wouldn't work listening over the phone. So, I mentioned the volume problem the moment I arrived and her (smarter-than-the-average-bear) daughter, Rachel, asked to look at it and within a second hands it back to me and shows me the button to turn up the volume. Little booger! I cracked up. We proceed to listen to the recording and it was great to bounce things off of Linda because she saw some of the things George said a little differently than I did, and it made more sense. She also was able to help me with some of the names that he mentioned which I didn't recognize.
Then, we had a delicious dinner of BBQ ribs, corn on the cob, and potato salad. YUM!! Afterwards, we relaxed in the living room and watched the Giant's game. It couldn't get any better than this! I love being able to talk baseball w/Mondo (Linda's husband), he loves the game - and especially the Giants, about as much as we do :) Then there's Gabby (Linda's oldest daughter) whom I haven't mentioned yet. What a beauty! She was apparently going to sing something to me before I left, but I guess it was forgotten about. I will definitely have to hear it another day, from what I understand, she has an incredible voice.
Well, as you can see, I thoroughly enjoyed myself and can't wait to return for another visit. But next time, John is driving. I'm pooped today because of it, but it was well worth it. Love ya cousin!
Peace to you all ~ Love, Genie
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Friday, May 13, 2011
It's Back...
Yay, it returned!! I'm so excited that my post returned because I didn't want to rewrite the whole thing, and also because I really wanted everyone to be able to read it the first time around. I don't know, I was full of adrenaline when I wrote it and if I had to rewrite it, it might not be the same. I tend to cut a lot out of things when I rewrite them. So anyway, yay, it's back.
I hope everyone had a wonderful day...I know I did. I didn't do much, but it was just the part of "being a mom" that I really enjoyed today. After John left for work a former co-worker (Chris Crown) stopped by for a nice visit. We talked and talked until it was time for me to go pick up Johnny from school. Johnny texted me right before I left the house to ask if a friend could come over (and that he wouldn't probably stay long). Well, as soon as they got to the house, he asked if another friend could stop by. They both ended up staying until 7:00! Then, both Jordan and her friend Mary were on a field trip today to Six Flags and Mary was going to spend the night afterwards. They weren't ready to be picked up at the school until 8:00! And then, oh by the way mom, can you drive these other girls home too?! Sure, I said, hop in. We finally joined John at Woody's for dinner and just walked in the door, it's now 10:00 :( What a day. Although I wouldn't trade it for anything. I've always wanted to be the mom who stayed home and drove the kids from place to place, and now that I'm on disability, I'm finally getting the chance. I actually enjoy it. As long as they're not embarrassed of their bald mom (who doesn't go anywhere without a hat on, btw), then I don't mind.
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
I hope everyone had a wonderful day...I know I did. I didn't do much, but it was just the part of "being a mom" that I really enjoyed today. After John left for work a former co-worker (Chris Crown) stopped by for a nice visit. We talked and talked until it was time for me to go pick up Johnny from school. Johnny texted me right before I left the house to ask if a friend could come over (and that he wouldn't probably stay long). Well, as soon as they got to the house, he asked if another friend could stop by. They both ended up staying until 7:00! Then, both Jordan and her friend Mary were on a field trip today to Six Flags and Mary was going to spend the night afterwards. They weren't ready to be picked up at the school until 8:00! And then, oh by the way mom, can you drive these other girls home too?! Sure, I said, hop in. We finally joined John at Woody's for dinner and just walked in the door, it's now 10:00 :( What a day. Although I wouldn't trade it for anything. I've always wanted to be the mom who stayed home and drove the kids from place to place, and now that I'm on disability, I'm finally getting the chance. I actually enjoy it. As long as they're not embarrassed of their bald mom (who doesn't go anywhere without a hat on, btw), then I don't mind.
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
What Happened to Wednesday's Post?...
Okay....I wrote a HUGE post Wednesday 5/11 entitled "Reading with George Anderson" and today it's gone. They had a message earlier on this website stating that there were some posts missing and that they were working on it. Um...hello?! They'd better find it because that really makes me upset. If you got a chance to read it, it was about me having a reading with a Medium named George Anderson. I got in contact with my mom who passed away ten years ago! She rambled on so much that the usual one hour reading turned into one hour and 25 minutes. It was amazing. I sure hope they find my posting and you get a chance to read it. Until then, I will cross my fingers and who knows, maybe I'll rewrite it if I have to.
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Reading with George Anderson...
I had a reading today with a Medium and I'm still buzzing about it. His name is George Anderson http://www.georgeanderson.com/page1.htm and the reading was supposed to be about an hour, depending upon how long your loved one stayed with him. Well, mine was an hour and 25 minutes, since my mom wouldn't stop talking (as usual)! And you wonder where I get it from?! My mom came through almost immediately and stated that she was the "Real McKoy" and that she was my mom. She said for me not to worry, that she was back to her old self, that she was walking fine, that her balance was fine. She said that when she lost her independence, she knew it was the end. I remember her stating that to me, so I took that as a true message, that she felt that her life had ended as she knew it, that she'd lost her independence. She said there was nothing that I could do to stop her passing and that she blesses me for being true to her passing. She said that she thought she was sleeping, but realized she'd actually passed over. She said that it was like walking from one room into the next, it was that easy. She said that there were no symptoms at first of her illness, other than that she was tired all the time. She said she had lower back pain and didn't realize anything was wrong at first. It wasn't until she was real sick did she realize this was the end. Although on earth she seemed to be in denial, she said that she knew she was going to pass. She said that once the illness was found, the damage was done. She went on to warn me to watch where I'm walking, to be careful near staircases and curbs. She also mentioned a language that was spoken in the home. At this point I said "no" to George Anderson (who knew absolutely nothing about me prior to this telephone call). He didn't even know my name. Payment was sent through a different name and there was no way he could have known some of the information that was given to me. Anyway, he said that there was a language being spoken, perhaps Spanish? I said "no" again. He said that my mom was insistent that only I would understand this, that it was spoken in the house and that I would understand. I started laughing because my brother Tim and I made up our own language growing up and we called it "Op language" but she didn't even understand what we were saying. Nobody did. So, for her to bring this up is hilarious, but yet it confirms that she was there. She also mentioned that she comes to me in dreams and that when I think of her just out of the blue, it's because she is with me and she is making me think of her. She also said that if I ever think I see her out of the corner of my eye, that it's really her. George mentioned that this could have already happened or maybe it's about to happen. She said that she hears me praying for her in my own little way and that although she's never been real religious, she's always been spiritual and hears me praying and talking to her. George also mentioned that other people from my past were there and were speaking up as well, but that they knew I really wanted to hear from my mom. The other people were my Uncle Ray, Aunt Roberta, Grandma Helen, possibly Grandpa Ed?, Robert O'Sullivan and Fran Gross (who were good friends of mine). He also mentioned many, many other names that don't seem familiar to me, that he says might have been friends of my mom's, but that I just didn't know them. They may make sense later on. Oh, then he also said that there was a calling out to Gene or Eugene and Jack. These are family members who have not passed over yet and that makes sense.
For those who didn't know my mom, she passed away on 10/24/01 of colon cancer. I was with her when she passed over and she described it perfectly, that it was as if she'd fallen asleep. She passed over peacefully (on earth) and I am so relieved that she made it over to the other side just as peacefully. This reading brings me great comfort and joy. I haven't heard from my mom for almost ten years and today felt like I had had a long overdue conversation with her. It was well worth it and I want to thank my cousins Linda, Jim, and Jack for making it possible. I know my mom is thanking you from above :)
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
For those who didn't know my mom, she passed away on 10/24/01 of colon cancer. I was with her when she passed over and she described it perfectly, that it was as if she'd fallen asleep. She passed over peacefully (on earth) and I am so relieved that she made it over to the other side just as peacefully. This reading brings me great comfort and joy. I haven't heard from my mom for almost ten years and today felt like I had had a long overdue conversation with her. It was well worth it and I want to thank my cousins Linda, Jim, and Jack for making it possible. I know my mom is thanking you from above :)
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
Monday, May 9, 2011
What a Weekend...
This past weekend was amazing to say the least. First, Saturday was the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure at Cal Expo where there was over 22,000 people walking to fight breast cancer!!! It was very moving to say the least. It's a pretty powerful message to send when you see that many people walking down the street dressed all in pink. What a day. John and the kids pushed me in a wheelchair because they wanted to walk the entire 5k and I knew that I wouldn't have made it past the parking lot if I tried walking on my own. There is also a 1 mile walk for those who can't do the 5k, but we wanted to stick together. After the walk there was a Survivor Ceremony where all the survivors formed groups according to how long they've been a survivor. I walked in the 1-2 year group and sat among HUNDREDS of women. Just the sea of pink made me tear-up. Sonia, being that she's my good friend, asked if I would represent the RAC-PAC and walk up on stage during this one particular segment and I did. It was very outside of my comfort zone, but I actually took my hat off and showed my bald head to an audience of what seemed like a million at the time. I got a very warm reception when I did so and it made me feel so welcomed. The audience lit up :) Afterwards we went home and I crashed, it had been a very long day. The RAC-PAC was awarded Largest Community Team for the 7th year in a row and this year's top Community Fundraising Team! We are just a hair under $24K so far! Go team RAC-PAC!!
Although Sunday was Mother's Day in every household across America, it was only 1/2 Mother's Day to me. John and Johnny both had to work yesterday (because they always do in the restaurant business on Mother's Day) and so it was only Jordan and I, without a car. We sat around and watched a lot of Glee yesterday and then went out to dinner with her friend Mary and her grandparents. It ended up being a fun day, but still, I missed my boys on my special day. I was promised that there will be another special day soon that we can call my own Mother's Day :) I have no problem with that. I like being special. I hope that all the mothers out there enjoyed their own special day.
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
Although Sunday was Mother's Day in every household across America, it was only 1/2 Mother's Day to me. John and Johnny both had to work yesterday (because they always do in the restaurant business on Mother's Day) and so it was only Jordan and I, without a car. We sat around and watched a lot of Glee yesterday and then went out to dinner with her friend Mary and her grandparents. It ended up being a fun day, but still, I missed my boys on my special day. I was promised that there will be another special day soon that we can call my own Mother's Day :) I have no problem with that. I like being special. I hope that all the mothers out there enjoyed their own special day.
Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie
Friday, May 6, 2011
Dreams...
I didn't sleep well last night after blogging, I wasn't sure if I'd made the right decision about sharing my dirty little secret with the world. I even had one of "those" dreams. For many years I would have dreams of using, waking up in a cold sweat, questioning my sobriety although I knew I'd never touched the stuff. The dreams are so real I could almost smell and taste the nasty CRAP I used to crave. I truly believe that I am supposed to dream about it occasionally so that I never forget where I came from, so that I never go back. God has helped me over the years with staying on the right path, never relapsing, never having cravings. I owe it all to Him, for alone I am not as strong of a person to handle such demons.
Last night right before blogging I told both my children. We had scratched the surface when Johnny was about 11 or 12, but was told afterwards by a therapist that it was a horrible mistake to ever tell a young child, for it may forever ruin the relationship of the parent/child. So, we pretended that it never happened, but Johnny told me that he remembered me telling him. We discussed it in further detail and it ended up being very therapeutic for both of us. Jordan, on the other hand took it a bit differently. She never knew anything about it and after many tears and lots of questions, she was okay. She did have a couple things to say which I thought was pretty profound. She told me that the feeling that she liked most was the feeling of self control. She also said that there was no way she would ever do drugs because she heard that it killed your brain cells and there was no way she was about to lose any of HER brain cells! Thank God I have such wonderful children. This story could have had such a different ending and yet (as a family) we pulled it together and turned things around. I'm proud of us :)
Peace to you all ~ Love, Genie
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Last night right before blogging I told both my children. We had scratched the surface when Johnny was about 11 or 12, but was told afterwards by a therapist that it was a horrible mistake to ever tell a young child, for it may forever ruin the relationship of the parent/child. So, we pretended that it never happened, but Johnny told me that he remembered me telling him. We discussed it in further detail and it ended up being very therapeutic for both of us. Jordan, on the other hand took it a bit differently. She never knew anything about it and after many tears and lots of questions, she was okay. She did have a couple things to say which I thought was pretty profound. She told me that the feeling that she liked most was the feeling of self control. She also said that there was no way she would ever do drugs because she heard that it killed your brain cells and there was no way she was about to lose any of HER brain cells! Thank God I have such wonderful children. This story could have had such a different ending and yet (as a family) we pulled it together and turned things around. I'm proud of us :)
Peace to you all ~ Love, Genie
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Happy Birthday...
Many thanks to my brother Jeff and sister-in-law Sheryl for my beautiful new iPad2, I can't begin to tell you how blessed I feel right now. I've been thinking all day about how to express my gratitude, but then I realized that Jeff already knows how much I love him and appreciate him, so once again, thank you for making my life easier. I can now blog from anywhere, video tape for my children and many, many more features that I'm just learning about. It's all at my fingertips now and I love it :) Thank you again.
Now to discuss something pretty deep that I've been holding onto for 14 years. I decided that since this is MY blog that I would share what was on my mind and if people couldn't handle it, to please log off now, I'll be happy to have you return later. So here it goes...today is the 14th anniversary of the day I stopped my substance abuse. I was 17 years old and right out of high school when I started dating a guy that introduced me to something he called "go fast". He said that it was an energy-type powder and that it would help me work those two jobs that I had and give me some extra energy. I had never done drugs in my life and so I naturally told him that I wasn't interested, but he lied and promised me it wasn't anything that would harm me. Boy was he wrong. He chopped it up and put (crank) underneath my tongue. That night I broke two coffee pots as I ran around the restaurant, I couldn't calm down. I was instantly attracted to this feeling and wanted more. That was the beginning of a 13 year run. My family didn't know, most of the world didn't know (so I thought). I got married to the love of my life and even used for five years of our marriage without him knowing. He worked a lot and I had a lot of free time. John assumed that I was moody and had sleeping issues. When I wasn't sleeping, I was going 1,000 miles per hour. He never suspected I did drugs because he completely trusted and loved me with all his being. I abused that trust and it wasn't until after Johnny and Jordan were born did it all come crashing down. I was prescribed Zoloft for post-pardon depression and the combination of the two drugs hit head on and I nearly overdosed. Jeff walked me into a psychiatric hospital where they treated me and I detoxed. Afterwards I immediately went into rehab (in-patient) where I stayed for 3 weeks. I wanted to go home and be with my family, so I went straight into an out-patient rehab and graduated from the program. That was 14 years ago. We uprooted the family and moved to Sacramento to find a place away from "there". We needed a fresh new start. I'm proud of my sobriety and had been looking forward to this "birthday" for years because now I have more "clean time" than time I used. Yahoo!! Thank you for listening to my story...
Peace to you all ~ Love, Genie
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Now to discuss something pretty deep that I've been holding onto for 14 years. I decided that since this is MY blog that I would share what was on my mind and if people couldn't handle it, to please log off now, I'll be happy to have you return later. So here it goes...today is the 14th anniversary of the day I stopped my substance abuse. I was 17 years old and right out of high school when I started dating a guy that introduced me to something he called "go fast". He said that it was an energy-type powder and that it would help me work those two jobs that I had and give me some extra energy. I had never done drugs in my life and so I naturally told him that I wasn't interested, but he lied and promised me it wasn't anything that would harm me. Boy was he wrong. He chopped it up and put (crank) underneath my tongue. That night I broke two coffee pots as I ran around the restaurant, I couldn't calm down. I was instantly attracted to this feeling and wanted more. That was the beginning of a 13 year run. My family didn't know, most of the world didn't know (so I thought). I got married to the love of my life and even used for five years of our marriage without him knowing. He worked a lot and I had a lot of free time. John assumed that I was moody and had sleeping issues. When I wasn't sleeping, I was going 1,000 miles per hour. He never suspected I did drugs because he completely trusted and loved me with all his being. I abused that trust and it wasn't until after Johnny and Jordan were born did it all come crashing down. I was prescribed Zoloft for post-pardon depression and the combination of the two drugs hit head on and I nearly overdosed. Jeff walked me into a psychiatric hospital where they treated me and I detoxed. Afterwards I immediately went into rehab (in-patient) where I stayed for 3 weeks. I wanted to go home and be with my family, so I went straight into an out-patient rehab and graduated from the program. That was 14 years ago. We uprooted the family and moved to Sacramento to find a place away from "there". We needed a fresh new start. I'm proud of my sobriety and had been looking forward to this "birthday" for years because now I have more "clean time" than time I used. Yahoo!! Thank you for listening to my story...
Peace to you all ~ Love, Genie
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
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