Change is Good...

So I've been in a real funk lately and hopefully it's over! I had a nice talk w/Luanne and we came to the realization that the one year anniversary was way more meaningful than I'd realized...deep down inside. I really kind of thought that I'd be over the cancer by now and that the one year anniversary would be a nice celebration. Well, no, it doesn't work like that. At least not in my situation. Luanne helped me look at things in a more positive way and rather than thinking of how long it's been, she reminded me of how far we've come in that amount of time. She also reminded me of the fact that change can be good and that just because the Avastin is no longer working, doesn't mean this is the end. That there's many other "cocktails" out there that we can try, so I don't need to sit and worry about that. It was a nice talk w/Luanne and sometimes that's exactly what I need to get my head back in the game.

So...yesterday was my birthday and now I have replaced those horrible birthday memories with happy ones. I ended up having a wonderful day filled with love and happiness, and my honey sent those beautiful flowers to me! What a lucky girl I am :)

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Talking With Nurse Mary...

Wow, two blogs in two days...I'm on a roll! Actually, I can't sleep (thanks to the steroid) and so I thought I would follow up with some news from my oncology nurse yesterday. When I went to have my treatment I told her all about my cancer cells increasing and she said that it was pretty amazing that I have been on Avastin for 11 months, that most patients usually hit the 6 months point and they're changing out their meds. She proceeded to tell me not to be discouraged, that they may end up changing my meds 2, 3, 4 times during this process, that this is just the way chemotherapy works. I asked her if I would definitely lose my hair again and she said absolutely not, that it all depends upon the chemo, that with some you don't lose your hair at all. YAY!! She asked what I was switching to, but I told her that Dr. Hui hadn't decided yet, but that I would know in a couple weeks, when I start my next cycle. She also informed me that my schedule would probably change too, and that my side affects may be different. I'm so glad that she had the time to go over everything with me, it really made me feel a lot better.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Cancer Counts Are Up...

I have a tendency to either sleep a lot or just lose contact when things aren't going so good. Well, last week I had an appointment with Dr. Hui and she explained to me that my tumor marker was showing that my cancer counts are going up, and that they've been slightly elevated since May. WHAT?! All I heard from that was cancer and going up. After she explained to me again, I started to understand. Apparently, after doing a study on Avastin (my main chemo drug), they realized that they didn't need to use such a high dose on cancer patients and so they lower my dosage a little while back. Well, after we talked, Dr. Hui decided to bring my dosage back up for this cycle and she would keep an eye on my cancer counts. If nothing changes, then we're going to switch chemo drugs and I will be on a new cocktail. I'm not good with change :( All I could think of was the fact that for the past 11 months I've gotten accustomed to this particular routine and quite frankly, I didn't want anything to change. I imagine that with new chemo, comes those lovely side affects, and that I will probably lose my hair again :( I currently have a short VERY curly hairdo that I will surely miss if it falls out again. Yes, it's just hair....but still, again?! So this is why I hibernated for a few days and didn't tell anyone. I figured that if nobody knew, it would go away, right?! Nope, still there. One of these days I will learn that ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away.

Today I go to chemo and Johnny is going to be accompanying me since Monica isn't able to make it. It's chemo #32 for the year. It's sure sweet of my kids to come along whenever I don't have anyone, I'm sure it's a thrill a minute for them! haha :)

Today I need to focus on ACCEPTANCE. I need to accept the things I cannot change. And as the Serenity Prayers states, "the courage to change the things I can".

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie