Pain, Pain, Go Away...Come Again Another Day!...

Knowing that I'd over done it yesterday, I thought I'd take it easy today. I went into work, but tried to not walk more than I had to. However, by lunchtime I had to take 2 Hydrocodone and the pain didn't even let up. I was hurting pretty bad. I decided to take off work and relax at home where I can sit in the recliner with the heat & massage on. It helped a little bit, but the pain in my back is getting to be pretty gnarly :(

Although I really didn't feel like it, I had to make a trip to Kaiser to have my blood taken tonight. I have to go in two days before chemotherapy to have my blood drawn for testing each week or other week (depending upon my schedule). I forget exactly what they're looking for, but if my counts are too high on some of my tests then I cannot have chemo that time around. So far, I haven't missed a chemo treatment (other than when I had an infection in my finger). So, I guess my blood has been pretty good. Friday will be chemo # 36.

Even though I haven't been feeling 100%, I still must mention how stinkin proud I am of those San Francisco Giants :) Maybe they're doing it for me!!!

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Over Did It...

Today was a great day until...I over did it :( After work I picked up Johnny from school, took him to get his hair cut, then drove back over to the school to pick up his buddy who has a 6th period (which Johnny does not) and took them both back to our house to work on a project together. As soon as I pulled into the driveway Jordan called to be picked up from school and wondered if I could please drive her friend home too. Since Ashley's dad is always doing us favors, I didn't mind doing this for him. We finally get home and watch the rest of the Giants game (all I can say is YAHOO!!!) and before I collapse for the evening I think about how much our dog Sammy is driving me crazy as she wants in, then out, then in, then out, etc. So I mustered up some energy and asked Jordan to accompany me to Lowe's, to look for a dog door. Sure enough, we find one, we get it loaded into the van and we head home. My back was starting to send out a warning, as it began to throb. Oh no, had I over done it? I barely got back into the house before I almost collapsed...literally. I took 2 percocets and called it a day. I really shouldn't have done so much running around, but it was really the walking that made my back hurt so much. Why did the dog door have to be all the way in the back of the gigantic store?! Dang.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention that I managed to get a HUGE sore on my tongue the other day. It was not a pretty sight. I called the chemo nurse and she suggested Magic Mouthwash. She said that it would probably get worse before it got better...lovely. However, it actually didn't. I was all over the mouthwash, using it every 6 hours as prescribed and it has completely cleared up :) I'm so happy because it was really ugly. For those who have never heard of Magic Mouthwash, it's a wonderful thing. The bottle has no ingredients listed and it's used for patients on chemo. I've learned to acquire a taste for this medicine over time because it was NASTY at first and I could hardly handle it. Maybe now that I know how well it works, makes me want to take it...who knows.

Anyway, hope all is well with each of you :) Have a great evening.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Not Holding Back...

I was asked yesterday what the problem has been lately in regards to my blog, whether or not it had become bothersome. To set the story straight, no, it hasn't become bothersome, however, I have had a definite problem with blogging lately. I believe that it's because I feel pressured into always being positive and uplifting whenever I blog and I'm not always feeling that way. I'm afraid if I blog my true feelings on the days in which I'm not feeling good, you may not want to hear it. However, I think that I need to get it out and this form of journaling will probably do more good than anything if I share my true feelings with you. So...hear goes. From now on I'll be brutally honest with my raw feelings, not holding back.

Today I stayed home from work because the neuropathy in my feet was hurting so bad that it literally hurt to walk across the floor. Later in the day I managed to get to the store and bought some soft slippers so my feet are feeling somewhat better. I'm about to take all my meds and go to bed, but it'll be a restless night (as usual). I toss and turn all night long, but it hurts so bad to just roll over at night that I actually get up out of bed turn around, and then lay back down. Fun huh? Not so much. Especially if I'm really tired. But the alternative is laying in pain on one side or the other and I'd rather get up and reposition myself. I can't lay on my back at all and laying on my stomach just doesn't feel comfortable either. When John's snoring gets to be too much for me (since my sleep is so broken up), I gather my pillows and lay out on the couch. I usually spend about 4-5 nights a week on the couch :( Believe me, John feels AWFUL about it and is working on trying out a sleep apnea machine to help with the snoring issue. I hate to bring it up because he feels so badly.

Well, off to bed for now. I promise to not hold out anymore. I hope to get back to blogging on a regular basis :)

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Spoke Too Soon...

So maybe I spoke too soon. Yesterday and today I've been under the weather :( Yesterday was my second treatment of the new chemo and last night I vomited several times, not fun. Then today, I've been able to keep everything down, but barely (with the help of the anti-nausea meds I have). What happened to "this chemo will be much easier, less side effects"? Gosh, so far it hasn't been fun. My hair has started to thin out, it's been falling out on my pillow, in the shower, and in my hair brush. I'm nervous about losing it, but it's almost easier that way, then hair wouldn't be falling out all over the place. Yes, at least I know the chemo is working when I lose my hair, and heck, it's almost winter again and wearing the hats won't be such a bad thing. Believe me, I've got several to choose from by now :)

Well, that's all for now. I sure hope the nausea stops tomorrow, that would be awesome.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Side Effects - Much Better...

I don't know if it was the excitement over the SF Giants going to the playoffs or if this new chemo is that different, but yesterday was a great day! I'm hoping it was the new chemo and that it's going to be much easier than the Avastin has been for me in the past. Although (so far) the side effects have been easier on me, the pain still remains :( I don't know which is better, having to pop pain pills throughout the day and living in a weird fog or dealing with the long list of side effects that comes along with the chemo (like the nausea, vomiting, lethargy, neuropathy, etc.). Well, either way, at least I'm still here and ready to handle whatever life throws at me, no problem.

I imagine that if the side effects ease up and my recovery time is less, perhaps I can work more often and feel almost "normal" again. Wow, that would be awesome. Can you imagine? Actually working an 8 hour shift would be quite a long day, but maybe I can handle that in the near future :) I know, it sounds so weird for me to get excited over that considering John (and a lot of people out there) work 10-12 hours a day on a regular basis. Well, those days are definitely over for me right now. But, we'll try and start with 8.

And finally, we're so stinkin' proud of our San Francisco Giants, it's been crazy around here!! John and I want to believe that his (very loyal fan of a mother) had something to do with their win last night. I can see Pauline as an angel in the outfield helping her team out a little bit. Go Giants!!

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Now that I've figured out how to attach pictures, you may see more of me than you'll want too! LOL :) Today was my first day on my new chemotherapy. It's called Gemcitabine (Gemzar for short) and apparently it's supposed to be way easier on me than Avastin & Taxol were, so yay! My new schedule is 2 weeks on, 1 week off, 2 weeks on, 1 week off, etc.

Yesterday was a really hard day and after digesting everything that Dr. Hui said, I got a good night's sleep and had a very good day today. I woke up with a purpose this morning and that was to fight this damn cancer as hard as I can. Without rehashing everything that was said yesterday, I can tell you that my cancer counts (the tumor marker) has gone up from 40 to 50 to 60 to now it's at 118. Dr. Hui said that she's going to skip the scans this time around because she already knew what they were going to say. At first I took that as...."there's no hope", but after speaking w/Luanne, she (as she usually does) helped me interpret it as how Dr. Hui probably meant it and that was..."I already know that your numbers are up, so your tumor has grown, and I don't want to put you through unnecessary radiation & have you laying on your back for a long period of time to have those scans done. Since it hurts to lay on those tables, I don't want to put you in any more pain at this time."

So instead of dwelling on my life, I helped the man sitting next to me see the brighter side of life and showed him that the power of positive thinking really does help. Paul, if you can hear me out there, NEVER give up!! Keep the faith and you'll be around for a very long time. May God Bless You ♥

And Sonia, thank you for visiting with me today, I appreciate your friendship so much :) And thank you for my beautiful tulips & t-shirt, I love them. Too bad you weren't in the picture with me.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

P.S. I think when I attached the picture I messed up the format or something and so my paragraphs are weird. Oh well, I tried :)

Change is Good...

So I've been in a real funk lately and hopefully it's over! I had a nice talk w/Luanne and we came to the realization that the one year anniversary was way more meaningful than I'd realized...deep down inside. I really kind of thought that I'd be over the cancer by now and that the one year anniversary would be a nice celebration. Well, no, it doesn't work like that. At least not in my situation. Luanne helped me look at things in a more positive way and rather than thinking of how long it's been, she reminded me of how far we've come in that amount of time. She also reminded me of the fact that change can be good and that just because the Avastin is no longer working, doesn't mean this is the end. That there's many other "cocktails" out there that we can try, so I don't need to sit and worry about that. It was a nice talk w/Luanne and sometimes that's exactly what I need to get my head back in the game.

So...yesterday was my birthday and now I have replaced those horrible birthday memories with happy ones. I ended up having a wonderful day filled with love and happiness, and my honey sent those beautiful flowers to me! What a lucky girl I am :)

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie