Days that follow chemotherapy...

It's really hard to explain how the affect of chemo feels. I've tried to explain to John that it's almost like a drunken stupor that I'm in for a couple days. Very bizarre. I'm in and out of sleep, and when I'm awake, my mind is racing and I have all of the desire to accomplish tasks, but my body doesn't want to cooperate. My body wants to either go back to sleep, or just sit and not do much at all. It's as if I get out of bed with about a 1/2 tank of energy and the tank has a slow leak. By the time I get going, there's only about a 1/4 of the tank left, so I'd better hurry and accomplish what I want to get done before all the energy has been drained. If I'm really lucky, the tank will last me 2-3 hours, then it's time for bed again.

I'm proud of myself because John and I just got back from a walk. We used to walk for miles, literally. We would track our walking path on the computer and map it all out, sometimes it would be a good 5-6 mile walk. Well, these days I'm usually just dreaming about walking, haven't really gotten out there much at all. However, this walk around the block was a bit easier than the last time. Who knows, maybe I can work it up to a block and a half next time :)

Checking in to say that I'm another 3.6 pounds down, bringing me to a total of 12.0 pounds lost :) Yahoo for me!!

"You never know how far you can go until you envision a distant destination and take the first steps." - by the Spirit of Hope

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

End of Cycle # 5...

Whew...what a day. Started off with my chemotherapy treatment #15. Can you believe that? Already 5 months of treatment. Seems like it was just yesterday that I was starting this journey. Anyway, Monica was there right by my side and we started to watch "Precious" on her DVD player, but half-way through she ran to the restroom and I proceeded to catch up on some sleep :( She walked out of the bathroom and almost laughed because she was afraid when she left me that I might fall asleep. I don't usually sleep during treatment, but apparently I didn't get enough sleep last night. Once I awoke, we tried to watch the rest, but didn't quite finish it up. Of what we saw, wow, pretty intense movie. Poor girl.

After treatment we went to the Old Spaghetti Factory for lunch (and to see John). While we were there a lady came over because she heard us talking about chemotherapy. She was 14 years cancer free!! What a neat lady. I told her that although I never wanted to join the "cancer club", once you're in it, people come from out of the woodwork to welcome you in. There are wonderful people who have conquered cancer and are willing to help. God bless her. I'm so happy that she stopped to say hello & share her story, I needed to hear that.

After dropping Monica off @ home, the kids and I went to the train station to pick up my nephew, Ryan, who came from San Jose for the weekend. Ryan is the son of Bob & Marcy (John's sister & brother-in-law). I can't say enough about that family, they're incredible people. For an 18 year old to drop everything and take the train as soon as he heard about my diagnosis 6 months ago, that speaks volumes. This is a good family & we're blessed to be a part of it.

"We don't know what's going to happen in the next moment. Enjoy all the tiny details, and appreciate what you have." from the late Brittany Murphy

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Time Flies...

When you look back at your life do you ever wonder, where did it go? Why am I already 43 years old when I swear I was just in high school? That's how it felt this weekend. My high school friend Lexy Winters lost his battle with cancer and had his memorial services this past weekend. It was bittersweet. It was extremely sad to see Lexy's family in so much pain as they relived his life, good times and bad. However, it was wonderful to see people I haven't seen in 20+ years!! It was as if he brought us all together to reminisce and talk about old times. I even ran across my very first boyfriend, that was sweet. He swears he still has a stuffed animal that I gave to him so many years ago :)

So you see, it was great to reunite, but what a horrible occasion to bring us together.

After the services, we went back to my brother Jeff's house in Gilroy and we spent the night and woke up to more family. My Uncle Rick, Aunt Pam, and cousins Travis & Allie came to have brunch with us. What a delight :) It has been many years since we've seen them and I could hardly recognize Allie when she walked up the step, which is so sad, she's family! We had a delicious brunch and got to catch up on old times, it was a wonderful visit. We will continue to stay in touch & we're already planning to have a family reunion this summer!!

You must live for TODAY! Tomorrow is never guaranteed. If you don't get back in touch with loved ones or friends, you may never get the opportunity to do so. Do it TODAY, get reacquainted, it's only uncomfortable if you let it be. They're probably having a hard time picking up the phone as well. Be the bigger person and take the first step.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Scan Results ~

Okay, so maybe it's because I get my hopes up SO high, that's why I'm not so excited. However, I should be. Thursday I went to see Dr. Hui for the results of my CT & Bone Scans. She said that the CT Scan showed progress that the chemo is definitely working and that the cancer in the lymph nodes has shrunk. However, she said that the Bone Scan was hard to read. She said that good news shows up almost the same as bad news, so it was hard for her to tell if things had improved in my bones :( She said that it almost looks like "hot spots" either way. Although she did resort to the computer to look at my cancer counts which she said has gone down...another good sign. She said that she could determine the results in how my much pain I've been in and so she asked if I'm in more or less pain than when we originally started. Looking back to the first day in her office and how I needed a hand getting up off the table, and how on Thursday I jumped off of her table, we agreed that my pain had minimized. Since I've been trying to walk more (to get healthier), my back had been a little sore lately, but overall, I would agree that it is better than when we first started.

John describes her as being cautiously optimistic. She decided to order more scans in two months. This will put me at the 6 month period with chemotherapy. She said that then she will take the first scans and the 6 month scans and compare them for a true reading, throwing out the ones we just took. She will then determine if we should change my chemo up, or leave it the same (since it seems to be working everywhere else).

So with that being said, I want to jump up and down and shout HURRAY!, but I too want to wait for my celebration to come in two more months when I will know for sure if things are truly moving along in the right direction.

Lastly, she mentioned that she would be speaking with Dr. Bodai to see if he still wanted to do surgery. I was stunned, I thought that surgery was completely out of the question at this point. She said that since my tumor had shrunk, that she wanted to ask his opinion. However, she did say that if he chose to do surgery, that I would probably have to stop chemo for about 3 months, since the Avastin's strong side-effects was that there are problems with bleeding and clotting. Stopping chemo for about 3 months could be bad (in the long run), so there is a lot to consider at this point.

Today I choose to be POSITIVE. I will continue on my journey with the love and support of my family and friends. I will continue to pray and think positive :) In two months I hope that we will be celebrating together in good health!!

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

P.S. I won't be using this as a "weight loss" blog. However, I will sometimes give you updates :) Today I weighed-in and my total lost is 8.4 so far!!

Back to the Basics...

Right from the start I mentioned the power of positive thinking, which has helped me a great deal throughout the past 5 months. Whenever I start to get down, I just think of somebody who has it worse than I do, and it humbles me into believing that it's not so bad after all. Sure I have those moments where I just can't get off the pity pot, but they honestly don't come as often as you'd think. If I let it get me down, then how would I continue to strive? I wouldn't. I have to be strong for my family, for my friends, for all those survivors out there, and especially for those who have just been diagnosed. I need to show them all that even when you're hit with a terminal illness like breast cancer, you need to NEVER GIVE UP!! Giving up the fight just means that you're a quitter, that you have thrown in the towel. "I choose to fight like a girl" (dedicated to Marcy, TT & Sonia). I choose to give it my all and come out swinging.

So just for today, let's put away that "can't do" attitude and join me in saying we "CAN DO" it!! If it's as simple as doing the dishes or walking the dog, let's pull together and do it today. Together we can move mountains, so why don't we?

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Weekend...

I'm a very lucky girl to have the family that I have. This past weekend, John's siblings, spouses and children came for a wonderful visit. First, they delivered to me a wonderful basket full of PINK ribbon things that they'd won from a raffle at a bowl-a-thon that was raising money for Breast Cancer Awareness!! It had earrings, socks, wine, lotions, a blanket, t-shirt, etc. I was so excited, all pink, and all for me :) Then....they proceeded to stock our freezer with many meals from Dream Dinners!! What a blessings it was for them to put together meals for us, it makes things so much easier. My in-laws weren't able to make the trip and I hear that they were actually in charge of this idea, so thank you very much to Pauline & Charley for everything that you did, we appreciate it SO MUCH!! I also need to mention that our beautiful Erin wasn't able to make the trip either. She is away at school and couldn't come.

On Sunday most of the group went to Sacramento State to check out the campus and look around. John is an alumni from Sac State, but hasn't been there in quite awhile and was excited to show us around. My nephew, Ryan, is considering going to Sac State so this trip was to gather information for him. We walked a lot and since it was such a beautiful day, we really enjoyed the weather too.

Like I said, I'm a lucky girl and I love my family so much :) Today is about FAMILY! They say you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family...well, being that I married into this part of the family ~ I happened to pick one of the best families around and I wouldn't change a thing.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie