Acupuncture...

I've been to Acupuncture before when I was in a lot of pain for a bulging disc in my neck. However, Luanne recently told me that I should try it for nausea, that it's been known to help. Sure enough, I asked Dr. Hui and started Acupuncture again. This time it's supposed to coincide with the chemotherapy. When I went to my last treatment this past Friday, I first went to Acupuncture in the morning. Dr. Han proceeded to put needles in various places, but focused mainly on my ears and wrists. She left a couple band-aid type strips on the inside of both wrists and said that if I was experiencing nausea that I could actually press my wrists with my thumb and index finger and it should relieve it. She then left several of those band-aids in my ears. She said that after about 4-5 days I could remove them. Well, each band-aid has a little prick needle in it. Yeah, fun. Well, everything was good until I had to sleep Friday night. Try sleeping on your side with needles (so to speak) in your ears! I cannot sleep on my back because it hurts, besides, I've always been a side sleeper. Well, I managed to figure it out by arranging my pillows and getting to sleep. However, the wrist ones were zapping me every time I moved my hands!! In the morning I had to remove the wrist ones, I just couldn't handle it anymore. However, good news, I've tried pressing my wrists in the exact place she told me, without the band-aids and it's been successful :) I haven't had any anti-nausea meds in a few days. Hurray!! The ear ones still remain in my ears, although they're not too attractive. I met with my good friend Kim this morning for breakfast and she wondered what the heck was in my ears! We laughed and I explained what was going on.

After breakfast Kim and I went back to her house and we spent some good quality time chatting. I'm so glad that we put that time aside to get in touch. Although it was early in the morning, it was good for both of us. Afterwards I went home and straight back to bed. My days tend to go in spurts now, awake a few hours, asleep a few hours. But when I'm awake, I'm usually good to go and want to hurry and get as much done as I can before I run out of energy.

Live for today. No regrets, no looking back.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

We're In This Together...

I've always been a fixer, in need of helping others out as much as possible. It takes everything in me to walk away from a total stranger in need. There have been many occasions where John will have to tell me to keep on going, that there's nothing I can do for that person. I remember one instance in particular when we first moved to Sacramento and it was the middle of a very busy weekend day at the corner of Howe and Arden (that's an extremely busy intersection). There was a man who collapsed in the middle of the crosswalk. I screamed in the car for John to pull over, that we should help him. I ran as fast as I could, although I have no medical training and really didn't know what to do. He was convulsing and nobody was even stopping their cars! After calling for help and doing the best I could, he ended up being okay, but if John let me have my way, I would have accompanied him to the hospital that day.

Yesterday I went to my 9th treatment, ending my 3rd cycle...yay! Monica (my sister-in-law) accompanied me and we had an awesome time, as usual. Yes, I said awesome. Even during chemotherapy, we always seem to enjoy our company together. I'm truly blessed to have such a wonderful person as my sister-in-law. Monica has a heart of gold and wants to come to my next one too, even though I told her it's probably going to be about 4 1/2 hours again. She said that she didn't care if it was double that, that she wanted to come. I love her so much.

So we were finishing up treatment and there were only a couple patients left in the room because it was getting to be closing time and a lady walked up to us and said that she'd just started, that she loved my hat and wanted to know where I'd gotten it. This one was from Target and I told her all about it. I proceeded to tell Mary Ellen what to expect with the hair loss, all about the Cleaning for a Reason, and the Look Good...Feel Better programs, etc. After she left, I met Elizabeth who was having her very first treatment and seemed to have been there for many hours. She said that she heard me mention when my makeup class (Look Good...Feel Better) was, that she was scheduled for the same day! I'm so excited, I'll be able to talk w/her again too, in case I don't see her at treatment. It's fun to meet other patients who are going through the same thing, especially because she looked to be about my age. So far everyone I've met has been a bit older, they call me the "young" one. :) Wow, never thought I'd like that title so much! Anyway, just helping out those ladies made my day. Although they're going to find out eventually on their own, it was comforting somehow for me to know that they were going to go home with a little bit more knowledge and first had experience from another patient.

Whether the kids are going to be embarrassed the next time I walk up to a complete stranger and lend a hand when we're out shopping, or send John over to help a little old lady with some heavy groceries, I'm going to continue doing what I'm doing. It's me.

Live for today. Help each other out. Remember, we're all in this together.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

It's All About Family...

Like I've said before, I truly believe that everything in life happens for a reason. Whether we like it or not, life goes on and either we can jump on board, or sadly fall off. I choose to jump on board because I'm truly in this for the long haul.

I was just speaking with my brother Jeff, and he mentioned that he didn't think he would have the inner strength that I have to conquer something like this, God forbid it happened to him. That made me laugh, because I obviously know he would. I NEVER, EVER imagined that I would be fighting this battle against cancer, let alone with the courage and faith that I've brought to the table. We went on to discuss how until we're ever thrown into the circumstances of life, we never actually know what we're truly made of. But again, I know he'd be able to fight this, it's just a matter of faith.

Back in August my brothers and I reunited, because for some crazy reason (that none of us remember how) we lost touch. Two of my brothers live in the Sacramento area with their families and the other brother lives in Gilroy with his family. There was absolutely no reason why we lost touch, there was no bad blood among us, it just happened. If there's a HUGE lesson that I've learned from all of this, it is to NEVER let time go by without keeping in touch with your family. Family is everything, without family you really don't have much. My brothers check in with me all the time now and I feel truly blessed for having all the support that I do. When I was first diagnosed my brother-in-law Bob told me something that will forever stick in my mind. He said that he thought that before this, I had no idea how much I was truly loved...and he was right. Although cancer is devastating, it really has become a blessing in disguise (in a weird sort of way).

Peace to you all!! Love, Genie

Downer...

I don't like to write when I'm down in the dumps, I feel there's no use in complaining when I've got so much to live for. However, I know if I want to be true to myself and others, I need to paint an honest picture of what it's like to have cancer; that's what this blog is all about.

I've been down in the dumps for a few days now because I really miss my hair. I usually wear a hat because the wig is hot and sometimes itchy. Can you imagine losing your hair? If you've never gone through this (and I hope to God you never do), you'd have no idea what it was like. I had LOTS of hair, very thick, naturally wavy, usually cut short. My mom always loved my hair and I honestly didn't know how much I did too, until it was gone. I think I play with Johnny's hair a lot now because it's a lot like mine was.

Besides the hair, nausea has really been bothering me. It really sucks when you think you're going to throw up all day long. I still have only gotten sick once from chemo, but I don't know which is worse; being on the edge of your seat all day thinking that you're going to vomit, or actually doing it. Yuck. My stomach aches all day. I have anti-nausea meds (which I take), but there's times in between doses where it's really hard to tolerate. So, I spoke w/Dr. Hui and she referred me to Acupuncture Therapy. I have my first treatment Friday morning, then chemo Friday afternoon. Yay, what a day :) Sure hope it helps.

Sorry for the downer blog today, but like I said, sometimes I just need to paint a real picture.

I'm still praying everyday and thinking positive thoughts & with your help, we can fight this thing to the finish!!

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Strength...

It's funny how things work sometimes and it makes me sit back and look at the big picture. God puts people in our lives for a reason and he also doesn't give us more than we can handle, so they say. Well I must be able to handle a whole lot, because God has given me quite a load within the past couple months. It actually makes me proud that I can handle so much, makes me feel stronger just thinking about it.

As for the people he puts in our lives, I've been blessed with some new friends throughout this ordeal and they're all pretty wonderful. Last night Tina stopped by with her daughter Carina to drop off a meal for us, and that was so thoughtful. It's not that I'm incapable of cooking anymore, it's just one less day to worry about it. Like I've said before, Jordan has been an incredible help, but I can't always have my 12 year old daughter cooking, it will surely burn her out and I don't want to do that. So thank you again Tina and Carina, that was very sweet of you.

Today I'm going to work on my strength, both physical and mental. If I get out for a walk after my chemotherapy, that will do some good for my mind and body. I need to stay strong mentally for those who aren't. Today I am strong.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Rain, Rain, Go Away...

As I listen to the rain hit the rooftop it sounds like a beautiful symphony. I just lay there, for it's easier than trying to get out of bed at the moment. The cold weather tends to make my bones scream out in pain. Although I love the sound of the rain, the cold that accompanies it is horrible. Makes me think of all the poor homeless people who do not have shelter during the cold winter months. Heaven forbid they're homeless and dealing with cancer at the same time.

Today I'm blessed to have a roof over my head. I will continue to listen to the rain as it dances along.

Peace to you all!! Love, Genie

I Choose To Fight Like Hell...

Today was a special day. Johnny came with me to treatment (since he had no school today) and he was such a trooper, never complained the entire 4 1/2 hours long! Mind you, he knew that it wasn't going to be a party, but still, that's a long time to sit and wait. He brought his laptop so that we could watch a movie, so it helped pass the time. I'm glad he came along to see what the process was all about, now he can feel a part of my treatment knowing exactly what I go through each week.

Another reason my day was special was because a good friend, Sonia, came to see me! Her sister Silvia has been upstairs in the ICU this past week and fortunately should be going home today. ~ Lots of luck to you Silvia, you'll remain in my prayers. ~ Since Sonia was in the hospital, she stopped by for a visit. She also brought me the cutest little book that came straight from the Susan G. Komen Walk that she was on. The book is called "Words for the Cure" and it's for Inspiration, Hope, and Comfort for Today and Tomorrow. What I like is that it has quotes from famous people who in some way or another have been touched by breast cancer. One of my favorite quotes so far is from Lance Armstrong (whom not only battled cancer himself, but was also there with his fiance at the time, Sheryl Crow when she was battling her breast cancer). He wrote...

"If Children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: Give up, or fight like hell." - Lance Armstrong

I CHOOSE TO FIGHT LIKE HELL!!

I'd also like to shout out to my new chemo friend I met today, D.C. I sure hope you feel better soon, you are a shining star. I think the little spark plug of a personality that I met today can surely fight this thing. Don't let cancer define you, you're a true beauty. I can't wait to see you again.

And Sonia ~ thank you so much, you made my day :) and I can't wait to see you soon!

Peace to you all!! Love, Genie

3rd Cycle Begins...

This morning I had an appointment with my Oncologist, Dr. Hui. She was happy to see that my cancer marker was still going down. I don't exactly know what that means, other than the chemo is working well for me. I tried to get a better explanation, but didn't understand what she was saying. I will dig further into that, believe me. I like to know exactly what is going on, if you didn't already know that about me :) She checked under my arms in my lymph nodes and confirmed that for the second checkup in a row, there was no evidence of cancer there. She had detected it in my first visit with her, so this was great news. That alone, is encouraging news for me! She also checked my breast to look at any visible signs of the tumor reducing and she agreed that it's been shrinking. Before my visit was up, I asked her about my lab results, if she thought that they were declining, if there was anything I should worry about and she said no. She told me that if my Hemoglobin and Hematocrit levels continue to go down, that eventually she would look into it. Luanne explained to me yesterday that if they get too low, I may need a blood transfusion. However, Dr. Hui was okay at this point with my levels. I asked at what point we would do another scan to see if there had been any changes in my bones and she said that we would probably do a CT scan after my 4th cycle was over.

Today I have FAITH, FAITH, FAITH. I have faith that the lord is listening to my prayers, that he is walking beside me and guiding me each and everyday. I have faith that Dr. Hui continues to watch over my charts and has my best interest at heart and will do everything possible to help me fight this. I have faith that my family and friends will continue to pray for me and never give up on me.

Peace to you all! Love, Genie

HOPE

Yesterday when I came into work I was still feeling a bit of sorrow from the passing of Fran, when all of a sudden my good friend Gisela walked up and gave me this cute little book called "The spirit of hope". After reading several passages, there were a couple that really stood out that I'd like to share...

Even the strongest people must step back, take a deep breath, and summon their courage now and then.

AND

Fear and worry are normal, natural reactions to threats, but so are courage and hope...and they are the stronger, the more enduring.

Today I choose to have HOPE in my life. Thank you Bob for all the Hope Habit, it keeps me going on a daily basis.

Peace to you all! Love, Genie

Today I lost a friend...

Today I found out that a co-worker who had retired a couple years ago passed away last night of cancer. She had been dealing with it for awhile and finally lost her battle. Fran was a wonderful lady, I really liked her a lot. She was the life of the party, always made me laugh. She loved her family so much, I don't remember ever not talking about her family at some point in the conversation.

When I heard the news of Fran's passing it really hit me hard. I actually haven't been able to think of anything else all day. I guess the reason it was especially hard to hear was the fact that it was cancer that finally took her from us. And also, the fact that I don't want to be next. When I saw the email go around the office, I envisioned my own email. Would it be just like that? So final? What would everyone be saying about me? Would there be a card on the counter to sign for the family?

As I sit here crying, I think, this isn't healthy to think this way, it isn't accomplishing anything. Instead, I will turn my frown upside down and remind myself that I have a lot of living to do. Fran was a lot older than I, and for some reason it was her time to go. She will surely be missed. I hope that someday they find a cure for cancer, but in the meantime, I will continue to battle this as hard as I possibly can. (From the little engine that could), I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I KNOW I CAN, I KNOW I CAN...

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Prince Charming

With all this talk about what wonderful kids I have, they obviously wouldn't be here without my loving husband, John. John and I met in the restaurant business (I hired him at Coco's to be exact) and we didn't always see eye to eye. Once I got out of management and went back to waiting tables, we had a completely different relationship and starting dating on New Year's Day of 1991. Things quickly turned to love and we were soon engaged :) I married my best friend on 9-05-92 (17 years ago). John has always been by my side, and as our vows stated, "in sickness and in health" we've been learning a lot about what that truly means. Growing up I never imagined I would actually marry my prince charming, but I did. He's absolutely the best. If love alone could cure cancer, I have enough stored up from John to keep me going for years to come! He truly does love me unconditionally :) When I was first diagnosed I remembered a story that I'd like to share...

My mom died 8 years ago and afterwards I would attend this cancer support group at work (which no longer exists) but I would go to gain support as a caregiver to my mother. I remember watching this woman come in one day with her head hung low, wouldn't make eye contact and obviously had undergone a mastectomy but chose not to wear a prosthesis. She sat down and wouldn't even look at anyone. We proceeded to go around the room and introduce ourselves and speak if we wanted to. When it came to her she said that the minute her husband found out she had breast cancer he left her. She was crushed. Obviously he defined her and she felt that she had no self-worth. My heart went out to her. I couldn't believe what a horrible man he must be, and wondered if that was a normal reaction. Since then, I've seen her in the halls and she seems to be doing much better.

I shared that story with John, and just as I assumed, he looked at me and said, "I will never leave your side. I'm in this for the long haul." I love John so much, I can't believe what a wonderful man I have, I'm truly blessed. However, I wish there was more that I could do for him. Sometimes I look into his eyes and I see that he's a bit overwhelmed. He wants to make it all go away, but obviously his love alone cannot do that. I just stay positive and show him that we're going to fight this TOGETHER, because together we can move mountains. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH JOHN!!

Today I am grateful for the SUPPORT I have from my family and friends. You all know who you are, and thank you!!

Peace to you all! Love, Genie

Everyday is Mother's Day...

As you may know, I started this blog for my kids. It's a wonderful tool to help me "vent", but it's really just a big journal for them (along with you) to read about my daily life. Well sometimes I wonder if they're even paying attention, until I get texts like the one I got the other day from Johnny. Johnny is 16, a Junior at Mira Loma High School, football player, kind of quiet, very funny, and an all around GREAT kid. The text he sent me said...

"Just so you know, some kid just presented in front of our class and his mom has cancer and stays in bed all day and makes him depressed. Thank you very much for trying so hard to fight this thing."

I cried. What a wonderful boy I have. I wrote back to him telling him that I wasn't about to ever give up, and that I was fighting this fight for him & his sister.

Jordan is my daughter, she's 12 (and I don't care that she's having a birthday next month, I refuse to believe she's going to be a teenager!). Anyway, she's my little momma. Jordan is absolutely a God send. Jordan holds the fort down when I'm not doing good. John works a lot of mid-shifts and so it's very hard for him to help out as much as he wants to. Believe me, it pains him to go to work when he knows that I'm not feeling good. However, he does know that Jordan will help me whenever I need it. I must give Jordan lots of kudos for the tremendous job she does on cooking these days. She whips up dinner on a regular basis for us and never complains if I ask her to do something in addition to helping around the house. Besides making dinner & helping her sick mom, Jordan is an honor student at Westside Preparatory Charter School @ the Frontier Campus. Jordan has always been an amazing girl so this is just part of her nature. What FANTASTIC kids I have. I'm truly the luckiest mom on earth :)

Today I feel BLESSED to be a mom!! Everyday is Mother's Day to me :)

Peace to you all!! Love, Genie

Sick Days...

I've been out of work so far this week, hoping to get at least one day in tomorrow before Furlough Friday. Just as I was getting excited about not having treatment this week, since it's my "off week", I go and get a cold. A bad cold. Good grief, can't I get a break? Well, when they say you need to rest a cold, I wish it would have come along during my "sleepy" days right after chemo because I'm not as tired now and it's very boring sitting around all day. Perhaps I'll catch up on some of the reading that has been piling up. I currently have my nose in about 5 or 6 books, so perhaps I can make some progress today.

Anyway, gotta keep my immune system up along with my spirits. Here's to a new day...let it be full of HOPE.

Peace to you all!! Love, Genie

It's Monday...

Well I'm awake and that's always a good thing :) Chemo tends to drain every last bit of my energy, so when I'm awake, it's a really good thing these days. I'm starting to see a pattern, and it's usually from about day 2-3 after treatment until about day 4-5 that I can hardly keep my eyes open. Today is day 4, so we'll see how I do. I've got a doctor's appointment to check my blood pressure today, hopefully she'll give me something to regulate it. Besides that, my back has been aching for several days now :( and that's not good. Let's just hope and pray that it's just temporary and not a setback.

Today I will reiterate the power of positive thinking and even amidst my aches and pains, and lethargy, I will continue to have FAITH. I can do this :)

Peace to you all!! Love, Genie

Friendships...

Johnny & I just came from the store and he swore I would blog about what just happened and I laughed and said that I wouldn't. I guess he knows me pretty well :) I was standing with Johnny @ Best Buy w/my energy level plummeting, when all of a sudden I made eye contact with a lady across the way. As she walked over to speak with me, my arm hit a rack of gift cards and sent them flying across the aisle. Johnny scrambled to help me pick them up as she said, "Excuse me, I just went through what you're obviously going through right now and I just wanted to stop and say that you're going to be okay. You'll make it." Several minutes and about three hugs later, we said our goodbyes. I wish I would have gotten her name and number. She was a beautiful soul.

This brings me to a topic that's been bothering me for a couple weeks now, but I guess it's human nature. It bothers me that some people (most people) whether I know them or not are loving and caring, willing to help out in whatever way is needed. However, there are some people who go running when they hear my diagnosis. I know that it's hard to face a friend when they're sick, it's obviously uncomfortable, but it's ME! If I hadn't lost my hair, I wouldn't even look sick. So I sleep a lot more than usual and I miss a lot of work, but it's still ME. I have a particular friend who I thought cared a lot about me, but I never hear from her anymore, which is so weird to me. In this time of need, all I'm asking is that my friends and family stay WITH ME and don't run away, it's still ME for heaven's sake. I have feelings too. If you want to talk about it, please say so, I'm here.

Well, it's naptime again :( Just wanted to share.

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie

Happy New Year...2010 Here I Come!!

Sometimes I forget people are actually reading this blog, and maybe that's okay. It definitely comes straight from my heart that way and is more like "journaling", which is exactly what I wanted my blog to be like. However, I must apologize for being so blunt at times and not sugar-coating the truth. I know, I know, I can hear Luanne telling me, "you have nothing to apologize for Genie. We're looking into your thoughts, your raw emotions. You just write what you have to write", and so I will. Thank you all for reading :)

Yesterday was treatment #6 and was the first time (so far) that I was planning on being mostly alone during my treatment, which was going to be okay with me. Now that they switched me from Benadryl to Clariton (to stop my legs from twitching during the treatment which happens with Benadryl sometimes), I don't need a driver. However, I love having a driver and I still plan to have somebody with me whenever possible. But yesterday my original appointment was for later in the day and since it got switched, I was being dropped off by my friend Laura from work instead of John. Laura ended up staying for about an hour and it was nice to have her there to see what it was all about. John got there right as I was finishing up. They decided that since my blood pressure was so high, I couldn't have one of my chemo drugs (Avastin), that I would only be having Taxol this time. I should be seeing my Primary Care Physician in a couple days to determine whether or not I will be placed on blood pressure medication to help with that problem. I've never had high blood pressure in my life, however, it is another wonderful side effect of Avastin. At some point they will determine if the good outweighs the bad and if we will continue on with Avastin. So far, I think it's working well, but I'm not a doctor.

Last night I experienced more pain than usual and so I had to take two Vicodin at night. Naturally, that worried me. I usually take one each night because it's the cold air mixed with rolling around in bed that sometimes hurts in my lower back, however, last night it was more prominent. I'm hoping that doesn't keep up.

One of the New Year's Eve shows last night said that, "2010...Is the year of Courage!" and that's exactly how I'm going to live this next year. Here's to the year of COURAGE!!

Happy New Year everyone & thanks for following my blog!

Peace to you all ♥ Love, Genie